BarriLang
Tuesday, November 03, 2009, 09:20 AM
While waiting on a cover being drawn for a pitch I'm putting together, I revisited an old story I'd started writing (pre TPG) and decided to re-write it. So here's the intro to Arianwen, a bad ass teenage mum fighting Romans and bears in the later days of the Roman Empire. (we'll find out that they are her adopted children and the only surviving members of her tirbe.) C&C would be appreciated.
Army of One (this was the wroking title)
Page 1
Panel1
We’re in a woodland clearing, Europe 44 AD. Sparse pine tree trunks and low hanging branches are in the panel, on the ground is a bed of brown pine needles.
Looking towards a man covered in strange body paint riding a bear as if it were a horse saddle and all. He holds a spear high. Both Bear and man work as one to try and stop their attacker.
Viewing her from behind we see Arianwen. A slim young girl, she leaps through the air. A giant long sword is clasped in her small hands. Her hands are above her head the sword over her back as she gives it a full swing.
SFX (From the bear) - REEOOOORRRGHHH
Panel 2
Viewing above the above panel from a reverse angle. In the B/G we can see a small group of 7 toddlers. 5 huddle together while 1 looks on longing to get into the fight and the last has his bow drawn an arrow ready to fly.
Panel 3
Pull in close to the girl (possibly have a bear paw in extreme F/G). Her teen body the complete opposite of here rage filled eyes and war weary face. Over her left shoulder an arrow is about to pass her head.
Arianwen
ARGH!!!
Page 2
Panel 1
The bear roars in pain and Arianwen brings her sword cuts into its right wrist she looks at the arrow that’s hitting the bear, annoyance on her face. The Arrow from the previous panel is hitting the bear in the forehead but shattering as it hits the solid skull. The rider’s face a mixture of fear and despair. This bear would have taken time to train, a bond will have been built so he’s going to feel a great deal of loos as it is hurt/killed.
Caption – That’s me. Regular “warrior princess” ain’t I.
SFX (from the sword on wrist impact) - THACK
SFX (from the bear) – RAAGH!
Arianwen
Who the…!
Rider
NAYAH!!
Panel 2
The bear has started to topple to its right. It has brought its left paw up to the bloody right stump and it has started to topple over, balance taking a backseat to agony. The Rider holds on for dear life, panic being all that’s on his minds now. Arianwen is vaulting over the bear, here left hand planted on it’s forehead, as she cartwheels over the gaping jaws. She looks at the toddlers her face stern as she reprimands them.
Caption – I've been blessed by a goddess, out for revenge…
Arianwen
OK! Who fired the arrow!
Panel 3
Looking towards Arianwen. (at the back of the bear and the rider) She has landed on the back of the bears massive muscular neck. Her sword is at the end of a diagonal killing swept through the rider. The rider has recoiled from the blow but we can’t see the blow as it’s on his chest but we can see the gush of blood. Arianwen looks over her shoulder and we again see the toddlers in the B/G. 6 Have backed away leaving a young boy looking guilty as hell , head bowed and his bow held nervously at his little pot belly.
Caption - And a single mother…
Caption - Of 7!!!!
Arianwen
TAL JAMES! I should’ve known.
Page 3
Panel 1
Looking at Tal’s back (extreme F/G). He screws the toes of his right foot into the dirt. Nervous about the telling off that’s to come.
In the B/G, Arianwen is leaping of the bears head. One foot planted solidly as she powers herself into the air.
Tal
I’m sorry Miss…
Panel 2
As above except that Arianwen is no longer in shot. Tal is still in extreme F/G and in the B/G the bear is falling to the floor. Succumbing to its wound.
Tal
I wuz only tryin’ to help.
Panel 3
As above but having pulled out slightly. Arianwen has landed in a crouch in front of Tal. He eyes focused on the boy, her face passive.
Arianwen
Thank you… But I told you too stay back.
Tal
But....
Arianwen
What if you'd hit me.
Caption - Killing barbarians.. If only raising children was as easy!
Army of One (this was the wroking title)
Page 1
Panel1
We’re in a woodland clearing, Europe 44 AD. Sparse pine tree trunks and low hanging branches are in the panel, on the ground is a bed of brown pine needles.
Looking towards a man covered in strange body paint riding a bear as if it were a horse saddle and all. He holds a spear high. Both Bear and man work as one to try and stop their attacker.
Viewing her from behind we see Arianwen. A slim young girl, she leaps through the air. A giant long sword is clasped in her small hands. Her hands are above her head the sword over her back as she gives it a full swing.
SFX (From the bear) - REEOOOORRRGHHH
Panel 2
Viewing above the above panel from a reverse angle. In the B/G we can see a small group of 7 toddlers. 5 huddle together while 1 looks on longing to get into the fight and the last has his bow drawn an arrow ready to fly.
Panel 3
Pull in close to the girl (possibly have a bear paw in extreme F/G). Her teen body the complete opposite of here rage filled eyes and war weary face. Over her left shoulder an arrow is about to pass her head.
Arianwen
ARGH!!!
Page 2
Panel 1
The bear roars in pain and Arianwen brings her sword cuts into its right wrist she looks at the arrow that’s hitting the bear, annoyance on her face. The Arrow from the previous panel is hitting the bear in the forehead but shattering as it hits the solid skull. The rider’s face a mixture of fear and despair. This bear would have taken time to train, a bond will have been built so he’s going to feel a great deal of loos as it is hurt/killed.
Caption – That’s me. Regular “warrior princess” ain’t I.
SFX (from the sword on wrist impact) - THACK
SFX (from the bear) – RAAGH!
Arianwen
Who the…!
Rider
NAYAH!!
Panel 2
The bear has started to topple to its right. It has brought its left paw up to the bloody right stump and it has started to topple over, balance taking a backseat to agony. The Rider holds on for dear life, panic being all that’s on his minds now. Arianwen is vaulting over the bear, here left hand planted on it’s forehead, as she cartwheels over the gaping jaws. She looks at the toddlers her face stern as she reprimands them.
Caption – I've been blessed by a goddess, out for revenge…
Arianwen
OK! Who fired the arrow!
Panel 3
Looking towards Arianwen. (at the back of the bear and the rider) She has landed on the back of the bears massive muscular neck. Her sword is at the end of a diagonal killing swept through the rider. The rider has recoiled from the blow but we can’t see the blow as it’s on his chest but we can see the gush of blood. Arianwen looks over her shoulder and we again see the toddlers in the B/G. 6 Have backed away leaving a young boy looking guilty as hell , head bowed and his bow held nervously at his little pot belly.
Caption - And a single mother…
Caption - Of 7!!!!
Arianwen
TAL JAMES! I should’ve known.
Page 3
Panel 1
Looking at Tal’s back (extreme F/G). He screws the toes of his right foot into the dirt. Nervous about the telling off that’s to come.
In the B/G, Arianwen is leaping of the bears head. One foot planted solidly as she powers herself into the air.
Tal
I’m sorry Miss…
Panel 2
As above except that Arianwen is no longer in shot. Tal is still in extreme F/G and in the B/G the bear is falling to the floor. Succumbing to its wound.
Tal
I wuz only tryin’ to help.
Panel 3
As above but having pulled out slightly. Arianwen has landed in a crouch in front of Tal. He eyes focused on the boy, her face passive.
Arianwen
Thank you… But I told you too stay back.
Tal
But....
Arianwen
What if you'd hit me.
Caption - Killing barbarians.. If only raising children was as easy!