Style Has Substance [Archive] - Fanboy Buzz (Project Fanboy)

LeeNordling

Tuesday, April 13, 2010, 01:01 AM

My mother taught me that it’s not what you say; it’s how you say it.

With all deference to Mom, I think that’s only half true.

Mom also said you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

I agree with that completely, not that I’ve always practiced this particular tenet.

(Snickers echo through the classroom.)

Besides that Mom was obviously working on building a kindler gentler me, she was also offering a great rule of thumb for learning how to get what I want. (Mom is practical that way.)

Let’s get back to the part that’s only half true, and offer a correction.

To build on yet another childhood cliché: when your heart’s in the right place, that’s only half the battle. You need to do more than seem to mean what you say; you need to back it up.

Let’s presume a sequential art writer’s heart is in the right place.

A hand rises above a sea of perplexed expressions.

“Yes?” I ask.

“What’s the right place?” you ask.

Great question. For this discussion, the right place would be for writers to want to get the best out of their potential artist collaborators.

A hand bobs above the sea of lowered brows.

“Yes?” I ask.

“Does that mean the wrong place would be for writers to not want to get the best out of their potential artist collaborators?”

In essence, yes.

I ignore the sea of angrily waving hands to continue my point.

I once worked with a guy whose operating philosophy was: “I want everything, so don’t ask me to prioritize.” There wasn’t any give and take in that relationship, but at least it was clear, psychotically so.

Some writers want the artist to draw everything they indicate, and if the result doesn’t work, they believe it’s the artist’s fault, not theirs.

They want everything, and don’t want to prioritize, or can’t.

The creator who won’t prioritize can (and likely will) continue to do whatever he or she is going to do. In a largely collaborative medium, this creator needs to be very good or very wealthy to embrace this perspective and still succeed.

For the sake of this assignment, let’s presume writers want to get the most out of relationships with potential artist collaborators.

A hand wavers above a sea of increasingly perplexed expressions.

“Yes?” I ask.

“So all writers need to do is let artists know that they’re flexible to input?”

That’s part of it, but it’s too-often like trying to close the studio door after the artist got out.

Most writers express willingness for artists to bring their interpretations to stories, but they do so after hobbling artists with scripting styles that don’t necessarily play to the their strengths.

A hand thrusts above the sea of brows that have lowered once more to half-mast.

“Yes?” I ask.

“Are you saying that some artists do better work with one kind of scripting style over another?”

“Yes,” I reply.

“So is there a particular style that’s better for all artists?”

“No,” I reply. “Some artists thrive on strong visual direction, and others find it too confining. Maybe it’s a result of personal artistic idiosyncrasies, prevalent comics-culture influences, and/or enough professional experience for artists to know what does and doesn’t work best for them. Still, the results are the same: Not all artists do their best work from the same scripting style.

“So you’re suggesting writers should tailor their styles to artist’s strengths?”

“Absolutely,” I say.

“But what if writers don’t know who the artists are going to be when their write their scripts?”

“That’s an incredibly valid point,” I reply. “Sometimes the script is what it needs to be, and it’s up to the writer or editor to find the artist that works best with its approach. Other times, the artist is on board before the script is written. In these cases, writers may need to work to the strengths of their potential artist collaborators.”

“And that’s closing the studio door before the artist runs screaming from it?” you ask.

“You are quick today,” I comment.

“But what if writers only have one scripting style?” you ask, gulping.

“Then perhaps they should learn and practice other scripting styles?” I prompt.

“How do they do that?” you ask, not yet seeing it coming.

“Funny you should ask,” I begin, “because that’s exactly what we’re going to be working on this week.”

Now you see it coming.

“Um,” you begin, grasping for words, “So learning how to work in different scripting styles will help writers catch more artists with honey?”

“Yes,” I reply. “Discussing their strengths and preferences before writing the script will give you two the advantage of being able to develop the best possible collaboration.”

“And,” you continue, “I guess that will help make the best possible version of a comic.”

It just hit you.

And welcome to this week’s assignment:

We’re going to continue with wordless sequential art storytelling, mostly because I don’t want you to complicate this assignment with dialogue. Nailing this assignment is going to be challenging enough.

I want you to write one page of sequential art (for five or more panels that make some kind of sense) in three different scripting processes:

1. Plot method.

2. Full script, but without any layout direction or use of camera position or angles.

3. Full script, with camera angles and/or positions, writing the clearest image of the page layout, and each panel in it, that you can.

Here’s the trick: from the perspective of the three different writing styles, each page must be exactly the same. This means that no direction in the plot method script can contradict any image in either one of the other versions. No direction in the full script without camera direction can contradict any image in either one of the other versions. No direction in the full camera-directed script can contradict any image in either one of the other versions.

A hand flies above a sea of puzzlement.

“Yes?” I ask.

“If I put camera angles or specific description in the ‘full script with camera angles’ version, doesn’t that contradict the plot method and ‘full script without camera angles’ versions?”

“How?” I prompt.

“Well, there’s stuff in there that isn’t in the other two versions,” you answer.

“Stuff, yes,” I explain, “but not necessarily stuff that couldn’t be in the other two versions when drawn.”

“Couldn’t be,” you mull.

“That’s right,” I clarify. “For instance, let’s say your plot method version describes that a man’s face reveals a wide range of expressions as he considers differently flavored scoops to add to an ice cream cone.”

“Simple enough,” you concede.

“But let’s say the ‘full script with camera angles’ version indicates the man has, in each of the panels, the same focused expression on his face as he considers his options.”

“Well,” you observe, “that’s not the same.”

“You’re right,” I agree, “it would be a contradiction. But what if the ‘full script with camera angles’ version described each different expression the man has, as he considers his options, in each of the different panels?”

“That would be consistent with the plot method version,” you conclude.

“Yes, it would be,” I agree again, “and that’s our goal, for each of the versions to be consistent.”

Within the context of each scripting style, you need to successfully write the same page three times.

For clarification about the plot method style, otherwise known as the Marvel method, this simply needs to be written as prose, without panel delineation. This approach allows for an artist to visually interpret the prose version of the story into any layout and number of panels he or she chooses. Because we’re only asking you to write a single page of sequential art, please limit your plot method version to a single paragraph.

Here’s an example, written for this assignment:

Size: Magazine, big for lots of panels.

PLOT METHOD:

Sammy stands on the edge of a cliff and sees Lily standing on a big cloud above a ravine. He runs and jumps to join her, even though she tries to stop him. As he falls to his comedic doom through part of the cloud, the dissipation of the cloud reveals that Lily was really standing on the edge of a cliff on the other side of a ravine.

FULL SCRIPT WITHOUT CAMERA DIRECTION:

PANEL 1

Sammy stands at the edge of a cliff, looking across a ravine at Lilly, who’s standing atop the middle of a big cloud, the other side of which is cropped by the border. For all we know, the other side of the cloud could be endless.

PANEL 2

Sammy backs away, waving, from the cliff edge.

PANEL 3

Lily waves back.

PANEL 4

Facing the direction of the cliff edge, Sammy’s taken the position of a runner getting ready for a race.

PANEL 5

Lily is puzzled.

PANEL 6

Poofing dust and a speed trail show us that Sammy has zoomed to an all-out sprint.

PANEL 7

Lily is totally panicked, holding out her arms for Sammy to stop.

PANEL 8

Sammy leaps from the edge of the cliff, pulling a solo Thelma & Louise.

PANEL 9

Lily can’t look, her hands covering her eyes.

PANEL 10

Sammy’s path shows us that he has fallen through the dissipating cloud toward his comedic doom, Lily watches, her eyes bulging through slightly spread fingers. The still dissipating cloud reveals her to be standing at the edge of another cliff, which was previously hidden.

FULL SCRIPT WITH CAMERA DIRECTION:

PANEL 1 (TOP TIER; WIDTH OF PAGE)

A long enough shot so we can see, on the left, Sammy standing at the edge of a cliff. Above a ravine, we see Lilly to the right, standing atop the middle of a big cloud, the other side of which is cropped by the border. For all we know, the other side of the cloud could be endless (even though it’s not).

PANEL 2 (2ND TIER; ON THE LEFT)

Medium shot on Sammy, as he backs away, waving, from the cliff edge

PANEL 3 (2ND TIER; ON THE MIDDLE LEFT)

Medium shot on Lily, but not too close, because we’re going to see her in a progression of shots that come increasingly close to her. We see all of her here, and the cloud she stands on, as she waves back.

PANEL 4 (2ND TIER; ON THE MIDDLE RIGHT)

Another medium shot of Sammy, facing the direction of the cliff edge, and he’s taken the position of a runner getting ready for a race.

PANEL 5 (2ND TIER; ON THE RIGHT)

Closer on Lily than the previous image we saw of her, and she’s puzzled.

PANEL 6 (3ND TIER; ON THE LEFT)

Poofing dust and a speed trail show us, in a closer shot on Sammy, that he’s zoomed to an all-out sprint.

PANEL 7 (3RD TIER; ON THE MIDDLE LEFT)

Closer on Lily than the previous image we saw of her. Lily is totally panicked, holding out her arms for Sammy to stop.

PANEL 8 (3RD TIER; ON THE MIDDLE RIGHT)

Closer still on Sammy, as he has just leaped from the edge of the cliff, pulling a solo Thelma & Louise.

PANEL 9 (3RD TIER; ON THE RIGHT)

Closest shot yet on Lily, as she can’t bear to look, the fingers of her hands interlaced and covering her eyes.

PANEL 10 (BOTTOM TIER; WIDTH OF PAGE)

In a longer shot, similar to the one in Panel 1, we see the path of Sammy’s trajectory, as he has plummeted through the top of the dissipating cloud toward his comedic doom. To the right, Lily watches, her eyes bulging through slightly spread fingers. Toward the right, the still dissipating cloud reveals her to be standing at the edge of another cliff, which was previously hidden from Sammy and us.

***

So that’s it: three different versions of the same page.

A good cartoonist will do fine with the plot-method, and will find a way to make it funny, though the odds are that it won’t be unfolded in the same way as described by the other versions.

A good visual storyteller with a sense of humor and drama will do well with the version that’s missing camera angles.

A good artist lacking a sense of gag writing or the kind of simultaneously humorous and dramatic pacing is going to need the version with camera angles.

Now, a writer who needs his artist’s conceptual and pacing contributions is more likely to consider the first or second versions.

However, a comedy writer with a finely tuned sense of timing and pacing, which he or she wants realized, is going to produce the third version.

There’s no right way, only different ways, where, for a range of potential circumstances, one might make more sense than the others.

If you can write well in each of these styles, you’ll know which is best for you and your potential artist collaborators on any given project.

Now it’s your turn.

As previously noted, I do not wish to see so much as one word balloon, thought balloon, caption, or block of floating text. The use of signage and sound effects is fine.

I don’t care what the page is about.

We don’t need extensive character descriptions; let’s assume they’re elsewhere.

I don’t care which sequential art tools you employ.

Here are the only three things I care about:

1. Write each panel from left to right (because you’re a Comics Panel Time-Master);

2. Write with intention, because that should be your goal as a creator;

3. Make the pages editorially identical to each other, within the context of each style. Again, it doesn’t have to be a story. I just need to see something repeated that makes consistent sense.

Clarify your trim size: comic book trim, digest, manga, magazine (8.5 inches x 11 inches), tabloid, whatever. We need to know how much space you’re intending to fill.

If there is one word of explanation about what you intend in the description that a reader of the finished comic will not understand, then you have failed in your assignment.

If you write that something in your page takes place in New York City, and I don’t see anything in the imagery from which the reader will know they are in NYC, then you have failed. If you write that it’s a city like NYC so the artist will know what to draw, then there’s no need for the reader to have to know it’s NYC, and you’ll have passed (on that point). If you write that it’s NYC but that the reader doesn’t need to know this, then there’s no need for the reader to have to know it’s NYC, and you’ll have passed (on that point). The difference between these three examples is intention. If you expect a reader to understand something, then you have to do your job as a creator to lead them to that point of understanding.

If the distinction between these examples is not clear to you, then please prompt me for clarification about what confuses you.

Again, this isn’t about doing this once and thinking you now understand everything about it; this is about doing it a lot so that you get good at it, so that it becomes natural.

What’s a PASS? If you address the assignment, and the scripts you intend can be perceived as you intended by the finished comic’s reader.

What’s a FAIL? If you don’t completely address the assignment, or any aspect can’t be perceived as you intended by the finished comic’s reader.

A GOLD STAR goes to anybody who nails one the first time, without tripping.

Let’s begin.

***

Lee Nordling is the owner and founding partner of The Pack (the-pack.biz), a comics-related content provider for the publishing industry. He is also author of “Your Career In the Comics,” an overview of the newspaper comics syndication profession and industry.

If you wish to contact Lee separately from Comics Pro Prep, please write to him at lee@projectfanboy.

DaveHughes

Tuesday, April 13, 2010, 02:43 AM

All right, here's my shot:

If our intimidating evil headmaster hadn't specified "one page," this would be a nice two-page comic-size spread. As it is, it'll have to be magazine trim.

Plot Method:

A monkey is sauntering through the jungle without a care in the world, when he happens upon a banana on a large rock. The monkey spots the banana, then tentatively checks it out. After a bit of back,-and-forth indecision, he grabs the banana and sits down on the rock to eat it. At this point, the rock sprouts a mouth and eats the monkey, banana and all, resetting the trap with a fresh banana.

Full Script Without Camera Direction

PANEL 1

A monkey is walking through the jungle without a care in the world.

PANEL 2

The monkey walks up on a banana sitting on a large rock.

PANEL 3

The monkey looks hard at the banana, obviously thinking it over.

PANEL 4

The monkey starts toward the banana.

PANEL 5

The monkey walks away from the banana, looking over its shoulder, clearly wanting the banana, but unsure if he should take it.

PANEL 6

The monkey sneaks back toward the banana.

PANEL 7

The monkey reaches out to take the banana.

PANEL 8

The monkey grabs the banana.

PANEL 9

The monkey seats himself on the rock, a look of excitement on his face.

PANEL 10

The monkey starts to eat the banana.

PANEL 11

The rock reveals a mouth at the top, gulping the monkey down.

PANEL 12

The rock spits something into the air.

PANEL 13

A new banana lands on top of the rock.

Full Script With Camera Direction

PANEL 1 (TOP TIER, 2/3 WIDTH OF PAGE)

A medium shot, showing a monkey centered in the panel, walking through the jungle without a care in the world.

PANEL 2 (TOP TIER, RIGHT)

A medium shot of a banana sitting on a large rock to the right of the panel, with just the forward foot of the walking monkey visible to the left.

PANEL 3 (SECOND TIER, LEFT)

The monkey is now fully visible on the left of the shot (no longer walking), with the banana/rock on the right. The monkey looks a bit surprised and excited.

PANEL 4 (SECOND TIER, MIDDLE)

Same shot as PANEL 3. The monkey leans toward the banana, his hand starting to reach for it, a nervous look on his face.

PANEL 5 (SECOND TIER, RIGHT)

Same shot as PANEL 3., except the monkey's body is facing left, walking away, yet he is looking back over his shoulder. His face shows a longing for the banana, even as he walks away.

PANEL 6 (THIRD TIER, LEFT)

Same shot as PANEL 3. The monkey's head is partially visible on the left border of the panel, as he leans in to eye the banana with a suspicious look on his face.

PANEL 7 (THIRD TIER, MIDDLE)

Same shot as PANEL 3. The monkey is now fully visible in the panel (still on the left), with a hand outstretched toward the banana, fingers grasping and legs obviously carrying him toward the rock in a tip-toe manner.

PANEL 8 (THIRD TIER, RIGHT)

Same shot as PANEL 3. The monkey is now just to the left of the rock, grabbing the banana with an excited look on his face.

PANEL 9 (FOURTH TIER, LEFT)

Same shot as PANEL 3. The monkey seats himself on the rock, the look of excitement still on his face, starting to peel the banana.

PANEL 10 (FOURTH TIER, MIDDLE)

Same shot as PANEL 3. The monkey starts to eat the banana with a contented look, still seated on the rock. The rock, for its part, has just a couple of movement lines around the bottom, indicating something is happening.

PANEL 11 (FOURTH TIER, RIGHT)

Same shot as PANEL 3. The rock is now split at the top, gulping the monkey down, with only the monkey's face and the hand holding the banana still visible. The monkey, as you can imagine, looks scared out of his tiny monkey mind.

PANEL 12 (FIFTH TIER, LEFT)

Same shot as PANEL 3. The monkey is gone, and zip lines indicate that the rock has shot something up into the air off-panel. The opening on the rock is closing.

PANEL 13 (FIFTH TIER, 2/3 WIDTH RIGHT)

The rock is centered in the panel. A fresh, unpeeled banana lands on the rock, falling from the top of the panel onto the rock, reloading the trap.

RonaldMontgomery

Tuesday, April 13, 2010, 03:43 AM

Size: Comics Trim

Note: This is the final story of Meredith Elfry, Girl Intense.

PLOT METHOD:

PAGE 1

Daytime, spring. Meredith and Jerome have flown to her old home and they're coming in for a landing; they're surprising Meredith's baby brother Casey (a spitting image), who's playing Hot Wheels alone in the dilapidated backyard. Meredith and Jerome land near the swingset, Meredith in summer dress and tiara, flying by herself, holding the flashlight like an Olympic torch. Jerome runs to her, overjoyed, handing her one of his Hot Wheels.

FULL SCRIPT WITHOUT CAMERA DIRECTION:

PAGE 1

PANEL 1
Daytime, spring. High, high the sky, wisps of clouds below, and below that the grids of suburban city streets. It's Meredith's old neighborhood below, but the reader doesn't need to know that.

PANEL 2
The backyard of Meredith's old home. It's shabby in the daylight. Buckled siding on the house, windows with broken blinds. Weeds sprout from unmowed grass. The back door is closed, but sitting in front of it is Casey, Meredith's three-year-old brother (same thin hair and face), sitting in a t-shirt and diaper playing Hot Wheels by himself.

PANEL 3
A shadow has fallen on Casey. One hand shades his eyes as squints warily into the sky.

PANEL 4
Meredith and Jerome alighting on the lawn in front of the old swingset, the satellite dish gone. Meredith is in a summer dress, head adorned in a tiara, her hair fluttering behind her, holding the flashlight above her like an Olympic torch. She wears the same ratty All-Stars. Jerome holds his Wal-Mart bags.

PANEL 5
Meredith is sitting on her haunches, a wan smile on her face. Casey has run over and he's standing in front of her, smiling ear to ear, placing a Hot Wheel in her outstretched palm.

FULL SCRIPT WITH CAMERA DIRECTION:

PAGE 1

NOTE TO ARTIST: The page is five tiers, all the width of page. Panel 4 is the focus of the page. The tiers should progressively narrow until four, which should be bigger than all others, then go back to a narrower panel for panel 5.

PANEL 1 (TOP TIER; WIDTH OF PAGE)
Wide shot. Daytime, spring. High, high the sky, wisps of clouds below, and below that the grids of suburban city streets. It's Meredith's old neighborhood below, but the reader doesn't need to know that.

PANEL 2 (SECOND TIER; WIDTH OF PAGE)
Wide shot. The backyard of Meredith's old home. It's shabby in the daylight. Buckled siding on the house, windows with broken blinds. Weeds sprout from unmowed grass. The back door is closed, but sitting in front of it is Casey, Meredith's three-year-old brother (same thin hair and face), sitting in a t-shirt and diaper playing Hot Wheels by himself.

PANEL 3 (THIRD TIER, NARROW; WIDTH OF PAGE)
Close shot. A shadow has fallen on Casey. One hand shades his eyes as squints warily into the sky.

PANEL 4 (FOURTH TIER; WIDTH OF PAGE)
Medium shot. Meredith and Jerome alighting on the lawn in front of the old swingset, the satellite dish gone. Meredith is in a summer dress, head adorned in a tiara, her hair fluttering behind her, holding the flashlight above her like an Olympic torch. She wears the same ratty All-Stars. Jerome holds his Wal-Mart bags.

PANEL 5 (FIFTH TIER; WIDTH OF PAGE)
Close shot. Meredith is sitting on her haunches, a wan smile on her face. Casey has run over and he's standing in front of her, smiling ear to ear, placing a Hot Wheel in her outstretched palm.

LeeNordling

Tuesday, April 13, 2010, 04:07 AM

Inhibitor's grade:

INCOMPLETE.

Very funny idea. However, this one panel is a concern, in both this and the camera-angle version:

PANEL 5

The monkey zips away from the banana, zip lines and a trail of dust.

***

I understand from your plot method that this is part of the hesitant indecision, but it won't read that way.

It will read that he's just run away, and the reader won't know why.

I recommend a revision of this before I grade.

No GOLD STAR, but this is strong enough for me to give you a second chance.

Nice work...almost.

--Lee

DaveHughes

Tuesday, April 13, 2010, 04:13 AM

I definitely see your point.

Revised above for your perusal, O Grandmaster. :)

LeeNordling

Tuesday, April 13, 2010, 04:21 AM

LeeNordling

Tuesday, April 13, 2010, 04:23 AM

I definitely see your point.

Revised above for your perusal, O Grandmaster. :)

The revision:

PANEL 5

The monkey walks away from the banana, looking over its shoulder, clearly wanting the banana, but unsure if he should take it.

***

I still don't think this conveys the back and forth.

There's a simple drawing idea here that could convey it, but I'll let you try to find it again before offering it up.

--Lee

Rain

Tuesday, April 13, 2010, 04:38 PM

Comics Trim

PLOT METHOD

An old, unshaven man lays in a hospital bed, an EKG machine beside him. The animation on the machine's screen depicting his heartbeat diminishes lower, lower... then flatlines. We're now in a tunnel, pitch black save for a dim light at the far end. We travel closer and closer to that lighted end, with the aperture growing larger until we're encompassed in white light. In a delivery room at a hospital, a baby is pulled from between a mother's legs by a doctor and nurses.

FULL SCRIPT (WITHOUT CAMERA DIRECTION)

PANEL 1

An old, unshaven man lays in a hospital bed, eyes slightly opened and mouth closed. An EKG machine beside him displays a faint pulse.

SFX: BEEP

PANEL 2

Same shot, with the pulse growing fainter.

SFX: beeep

PANEL 3

Same shot, but the mans eyes have closed and his mouth now gapes open. The pulse on the EKG machine has flatlined.

SFX: BERMM

PANEL 4

Inside a tunnel, pitch black save for a dim light at the far end.

PANEL 5

We've traveled further down the tunnel, closer to the light at the end, which is now twice as big and bright.

PANEL 6

We're now at the cusp of the tunnel's exit, the panel washed out by the white light of the opening.

PANEL 7

Inside a hospital delivery room. A woman lays on the table, legs propped up by stirrups. She's surrounded by doctors and nurses, who are pulling a baby from between her legs.

FULL SCRIPT (WITH CAMERA DIRECTION)

PANEL 1 (TOP TIER; ON THE LEFT)

Tight profile shot of an old man's unshaven face. The background is filled by a black screen, that contains a horizontal green line running from the left, then spiking upward at the far right.

SFX: BEEP

PANEL 2 (TOP TIER; MIDDLE)

Medium shot of the same man, who we can now see from the chest up. He is laying in a bed. His eyes are still slightly open, mouth closed. We can also see that the screen from PANEL ONE was an EKG machine beside his bed. The line on its screen, running left to right, is much as it was in the previous panel -- except that the spike at the far right is only half as high.

SFX: beeep

PANEL 3 (TOP TIER: FAR RIGHT)

A long shot of the man in the bed, so that we see his entire body and most the room he's in. The line on the EKG machine's screen now has no spike; runs completely flat. To the right of the panel, at the foot of his bed, we see a door opening to a hallway, with two nurses carrying charts as they walk past, but paying the patient no mind.

SFX: BERMM

PANEL 4 (MIDDLE TIER; ON THE LEFT)

Inside a tunnel, pitch black save for a dim light at the far end.

PANEL 5 (MIDDLE TIER: MIDDLE)

Our point of view has traveled farther down the tunnel, closer to the light at the end, which is now twice as big and bright.

PANEL 6 (MIDDLE TIER; FAR RIGHT)

We're now at the cusp of the tunnel's exit. The very edges of the panel are still black, but the rest is washed out by the white light of the tunnel's opening.

PANEL 7 (BORDER TO BORDER HORIZONTAL)

Inside a hospital delivery room. Side profile shot of a woman laying on the table, legs propped up by stirrups (and unmentionables blocked from view by a sheet.) She's surrounded by doctors and nurses, who are pulling from between her legs a baby; its umbilical chord still connected to the stomach.

danialworks

Tuesday, April 13, 2010, 05:37 PM

Magazine.

PLOT METHOD:

A green dragon soars above the clouds, then drops below them. After the sun breaks up the clouds, a flock of large flying creatures can be seen behind our dragon. Giant rocs give pursuit of our dragon.

FULL SCRIPT, NO CAMERA DIRECTIONS

Panel 1.

Below us, a green dragon soars above a cloud layer of fluffy white with streaks of gray.

Panel 2.

We're in front of the green dragon now, and swooping motion lines tell us he has just dropped below the cloud layer.

Panel 3.

The cloud layer has broken up into patches of white and purple as rays of sunshine surround the green dragon in flight.

Panel 4.

A menacing flock of large, indistinct shapes far behind the dragon.

Panel 5.

A flight of giant rocs giving chase in the green dragon's wake.

FULL SCRIPT WITH CAMERA DIRECTIONS

Panel 1. (TOP TIER, ON THE LEFT, WIDER PANEL)

A LONG-SHOT looking down at a green dragon soaring above a cloud layer of white streaked with gray.

Panel 2. (TOP TIER, ON THE RIGHT, SMALLER PANEL)

MEDIUM SHOT, framing the dragon at center-- swooping motion lines show how he's just dropped below the cloud layer.

Panel 3. (2ND TIER, ON THE LEFT)

The cloud layer has broken up into patches of white and purple. Still a MEDIUM SHOT on the dragon-- though we are a little CLOSER-- as rays of sunshine are coming down through the seperations in the clouds.

Panel 4. (2ND TIER, ON THE RIGHT)

A flock of large, and so far indistinct shapes in flight. We finally see our dragon relatively CLOSE-UP in the nearer distance.

Panel 5. (THIRD TIER, WIDTH OF PAGE)

MEDIUM-SHOT on the left a flight of giant rocs giving chase. On the right, our ANGLE on the green dragon becomes MUCH CLOSER.

LeeNordling

Tuesday, April 13, 2010, 07:56 PM

Rain's grade.

PASS with a GOLD STAR.

Nice work.

Which version do YOU prefer?

Which version to OTHERS HERE prefer?

Which version would an artist prefer...and why?

--Lee

LeeNordling

Tuesday, April 13, 2010, 08:00 PM

Rain

Tuesday, April 13, 2010, 08:43 PM

Which version do YOU prefer?

Which version to OTHERS HERE prefer?

Which version would an artist prefer...and why?

Well, I can say with certainty I don't like the Marvel method; feels like I'm half-assing my job as writer.

I prefer scripting with camera/panel direction, as I can SUGGEST to the artist subtle nuances in the background, or focal points within the panel, which are intended to add depth to the story. That's one of the great things about this medium of combining words with images, right?

However, as I noted last week, the column has proven the positives of KISS, or my variation of it: Keep It Simple Scripter.

When working with an artist, I would likely submit my script (including camera/panel direction) for THEIR approval. If they feel they can do a better job without my suggestions, or even want me to rewrite the script without the descriptions, I would gladly oblige.

Rain

LeeNordling

Tuesday, April 13, 2010, 08:48 PM

Well, I can say with certainty I don't like the Marvel method; feels like I'm half-assing my job as writer.

I prefer scripting with camera/panel direction, as I can SUGGEST to the artist subtle nuances in the background, or focal points within the panel, which are intended to add depth to the story. That's one of the great things about this medium of combining words with images, right?

However, as I noted last week, the column has proven the positives of KISS, or my variation of it: Keep It Simple Scripter.

When working with an artist, I would likely submit my script (including camera/panel direction) for THEIR approval. If they feel they can do a better job without my suggestions, or even want me to rewrite the script without the descriptions, I would gladly oblige.

Rain

One follow-up: you'd do this even knowing that YOU suggesting camera angles could lose the potential for the artist to bring a new view to the story you never even imagined?

Yes, it would be nice if somebody could read camera angles and pretend they never existed, but, more often than not, that DOES set the direction.

One reason I'm posing this question: just because writers USE camera angles, that doesn't mean they actually understand how to use them as well as somebody who can draw...or knows his/her own drawing style.

I'm not pushing this direction as A way to go--my column notes advantages of each version; I'm simply curious about the default of writers getting their two cents in...when, frankly, the best storytelling and comic is, I believe, a more worthy goal.

--Lee

Rain

Tuesday, April 13, 2010, 09:03 PM

One follow-up: you'd do this even knowing that YOU suggesting camera angles could lose the potential for the artist to bring a new view to the story you never even imagined?

Yes, it would be nice if somebody could read camera angles and pretend they never existed, but, more often than not, that DOES set the direction.

Actually, after posting my reply I thought of that very issue, and must say that's a valid concern.

Therefore, I will NEVER use camera angles in every panel, or even on every page. I will use them ONLY when I'm passionate about the image's composition and my confidence in the shot -- which will be far and few between.

I know what you're thinking: Rain, how do YOU KNOW when an angle is imperative? Well, quite frankly, I do not. But I prefer not to hogtie myself by saying I'll NEVER use them. (And, having lots of videography and photo experience, I like to think I have some knowledge on shot composition, though in different mediums.)

Folo up question for the teacher: What are the merits, if any, of Marvel style?

Rain

LeeNordling

Tuesday, April 13, 2010, 09:27 PM

Follow-up question for the teacher: What are the merits, if any, of Marvel style?

If you're Stan Lee "writing" a million books, you can write a page or two of story, give it to Jack Kirby, Steve Ditko, and others to draw, then you get to exercise your Super Power of Snark and Exposition to have it all make sense.

Seriously, if an artist is a natural born visual storyteller, and really has the potential to be a co-author (by figuring out what can go in all the panels and has the POTENTIAL to make sense), then you end up with a much more dynamic-looking book than most traditional scripted books...because the visual story in the visual medium is visually driven.

I had--(was forced)--to do this for Marvel on a couple of my "Aladdin" books.

I hated it.

More than hated it; I despised it.

My big problem was that I had a humorously driven book that was going to be paced according to how the artist was going to draw it.

The "problem" was that the editor was having trouble with the art and the lettering (because the artist didn't ALLOW for the lettering), so everything got crammed together.

Her solution: let the artist draw the book, and I'd figure out the words.

HATED IT!

So I cheated.

I wrote all the panels...delineating the panels...(had the lettering scripted already, even though I didn't turn it in)...and sent in JUST the visual direction, again, panel by panel; there was NO way I was going to let the artist pace the gags.

The editor was happy, because she didn't have to figure out how to cram in the lettering; that was now my job, and it wasn't too bad trimming it to fit.

If I had not fully understood all the tools in the toolbox that was at my disposal, I would've been screwed. However, when faced with a situation, I was able to divine a different solution to the problem than the one that was suggested...without pissing anybody off.

She was happy; the artist was happy; I was mostly happy.

To quote John Cleese from the "Moose and Germans" episode of Fawlty Towers: "I think I got away with it."

Anyway, someday I'd like to write a "real" plot method book...but only with an artist whose work I know really well, and like even more.

--Lee

danialworks

Wednesday, April 14, 2010, 03:19 AM

Danial's grade:

INCOMPLETE.

Danial, phrases like "below us" are the equivalent of a camera direction, and this version is full of this.

Previously, not doing this was a suggestion; this time it's the assignment.

Try writing the second section without doing anything beyond writing left to right.

In theory, the artist will find the best way to visualize this version, and that's the point of this version in the exercise: to write for the artist's interpretation.

Thanks.

--Lee

I would like to thank project: fanboy for EATING my original attempt to post the rewrite an hour ago. Imagine my surprise when it wasn't here!

Goodness, I'm dedicated!

I've added the color shifts in the clouds to the plot as I don't know if this is being written for a penciller, full illustrator, or even a painter.

Magazine.

PLOT METHOD:

A green dragon soars above the clouds, at first white streaked with gray--then drops below them. After the sun breaks up the clouds-- and the gray turns to purple--a flock of large flying creatures can be seen behind our dragon. These turn out to be giant rocs in pursuit of our green dragon.

FULL SCRIPT, NO CAMERA DIRECTIONS

Panel 1.

The small figure of a green dragon soars above a cloud layer of fluffy white with streaks of gray; the clouds are like milky loam beneath him.

Panel 2.

Swooping motion lines tell us the green dragon has just dropped below the cloud layer; let's draw him somwhat bigger, now, and place him about halfway into the depth of the panel.

Panel 3.

The cloud layer has broken up into patches of white and purple as rays of sunshine surround the green dragon in flight.

Panel 4.

A menacing flock of large, indistinct shapes far behind the dragon.

Panel 5.

A flight of giant rocs giving chase in the green dragon's wake.

FULL SCRIPT WITH CAMERA DIRECTIONS

Panel 1. (TOP TIER, ON THE LEFT, WIDER PANEL)

A LONG-SHOT looking down at a green dragon soaring above a solid cloud layer of white streaked with gray.

Panel 2. (TOP TIER, ON THE RIGHT, SMALLER PANEL)

MEDIUM SHOT, framing the dragon at center-- swooping motion lines show how he's just dropped below the cloud layer.

Panel 3. (2ND TIER, ON THE LEFT)

The cloud layer has broken up into patches of white and purple. Still a MEDIUM SHOT on the dragon-- though we are a little CLOSER-- as rays of sunshine are coming down through the seperations in the clouds.

Panel 4. (2ND TIER, ON THE RIGHT)

A flock of large, and so far indistinct-- shapes in flight. We finally see our dragon relatively CLOSE-UP in the nearer distance.

Panel 5. (THIRD TIER, WIDTH OF PAGE)

MEDIUM-SHOT. On the left, a flight of giant rocs giving chase. On the right, our ANGLE on the green dragon has become MUCH CLOSER.

LeeNordling

Wednesday, April 14, 2010, 04:17 AM

Danial's grade:

PASS with a caution.

Since the purpose of the second example is NOT to direct the artist, but to explain what's going on in the story (from left to right, the limit of the direction), this line really just fights the spirit of this:

"...let's draw him somewhat bigger, now, and place him about halfway into the depth of the panel."

That's a camera angle, without calling it as such.

The rest is working nicely, but I think it would be really good for you to consider how hard it is for you to refrain from directing the artist.

Maybe that's just the way you prefer the relationship to be, which is fine and fair, if potentially limiting.

Here's what I mostly saw in your second version: lots of nice imagery that a talented artist could have a ball with.

It is, in my opinion, the better of the versions, if the goal is to get a dynamic page.

Another aside: I created my version as a series of tiers because I was writing a comic strip-styled page.

But there are some images from others that look like they could have much more creative layouts, rather than evenly divided tiers.

I didn't intend for folks to mimic my page layout, but I find it interesting that so many did.

To be clear: we just need to see your best vision for the page layout.

Thanks, all. It was a pretty productive day.

--Lee

danialworks

Wednesday, April 14, 2010, 06:05 AM

Danial's grade:

Since the purpose of the second example is NOT to direct the artist, but to explain what's going on in the story (from left to right, the limit of the direction), this line really just fights the spirit of this:

"...let's draw him somewhat bigger, now, and place him about halfway into the depth of the panel."

*--Honestly, I was just trying to keep it matching version three--*

The rest is working nicely, but I think it would be really good for you to consider how hard it is for you to refrain from directing the artist.

*--Sometimes, it's easy. "The dragon lifted off into the air." Sometimes, it's nearly impossible to give up the director's chair, even away from actors and such, I admit.--*

Here's what I mostly saw in your second version: lots of nice imagery that a talented artist could have a ball with.

It is, in my opinion, the better of the versions, if the goal is to get a dynamic page.

*--Oh, mine too. By far. But I think there's some strength in all three-- showing some ability to work in the manner the illustrator(s) prefer. But for me, version 2 flies best, pun more or less intended, and how my brain is best learning to function as I concentrate more and more on comics scripting.--*

Another aside: I created my version as a series of tiers because I was writing a comic strip-styled page.

But there are some images from others that look like they could have much more creative layouts, rather than evenly divided tiers.

I didn't intend for folks to mimic my page layout, but I find it interesting that so many did.

To be clear: we just need to see your best vision for the page layout.

*--My first thought was for panels 1 and 2 to be two triangles forming a square in the top tier, but then I consciously chose SIMPLE, just as I cut panel 6 to make the page only a SEQUENCE instead of suggesting the start of a story--*

--Danial

ChrisLewis

Wednesday, April 14, 2010, 12:22 PM

Hi, all. Here's Drunken Cooking in comics trim.

Plot method

Biff cuts up various vegetables and some meat and places them in a pan to cook, all the while drinking a lot of beer and getting progressively drunker. He sets the pan down directly in front of his displeased wife, who’s seated at the table with their amused teenage daughter. Biff sits down, raises his bottle in a toast, and passes out on his plate.

Full script, no camera directions

Panel 1. An empty pan is on the heating element of a stove. On the counter top next to the stove we see a whole carrot, a stalk of celery, an unopened beer bottle, and a piece of raw meat. Biff is cutting an onion on a cutting board and we see nice, small, uniform dices.

Panel 2. Biff takes a swig out of a mostly full beer bottle.

Panel 3. The onion cooks in the pan. An empty bottle is on the table. Biff is cutting the carrot. We see slightly larger, less uniform pieces.

Panel 4. Biff takes a swig out of a mostly full beer bottle.

Panel 5. The onion and the carrot cook in the pan. Three empty bottles are on the table. Biff is cutting the celery and there are small motion lines around the knife suggesting a wobbly motion. We see random-sized pieces here and there.

Panel 6. Biff takes a swig out of a mostly full beer bottle.

Panel 7. Now the celery is in the pan and the vegetables are starting to smoke. There are four empty beer bottles standing on the table and another one tipped over. Biff is cutting the meat haphazardly with an even wobblier knife.

Panel 8. Biff takes a swig out of a mostly full beer bottle.

Panel 9. Biff places the smoking pan in front of his disgusted wife who is seated at a table set for dinner. A young teenage girl, also seated, looks on in amusement.

Panel 10. Biff, now sitting down in front of his plate, his eyes crossed, raises a beer bottle in a toast. Smoke drifts over.

Panel 11. Biff has just passed out face down into his plate while still holding on to his bottle.

SFX:
Thunk!

Full script, camera directions

Panel 1. (I picture the following eight panels to be small, have a uniform size, and be divided into two tiers of four panels, but if the artist has a better idea I’m open) From Biff’s POV we are looking down at an empty pan on the heating element of a stove. On the counter top next to the stove we see a whole carrot, a stalk of celery, an unopened beer bottle, and a piece of raw meat. Biff is cutting an onion on a cutting board and we see nice, small, uniform dices.

Panel 2. Tight profile shot on Biff taking a swig out of a mostly full beer bottle. We see him from the waist up and we’re going to get progressively tighter in on him.

Panel 3. Similar to panel 1. From Biff’s POV we see the onion cooking in the pan. An empty bottle is on the table. Biff is cutting the carrot. We see slightly larger, less uniform pieces.

Panel 4. Tighter on Biff from the last panel we saw of him. We only see his hand, the bottle, and his head.

Panel 5. Similar to panel 3. From Biff’s POV we see the onion and the carrot cooking in the pan. Three empty bottles are on the table. Biff is cutting the celery and there are small motion lines around the knife suggesting a wobbly motion. We see random-sized pieces here and there.

Panel 6. Tighter on Biff from the last panel we saw of him. We only see the top of the bottle and most of his face. His eyelids are a little droopy.

Panel 7. Similar to panel 5. From Biff’s POV we see the celery in the pan and the vegetables starting to smoke. There are four empty beer bottles standing on the table and another one tipped over. Biff is cutting the meat haphazardly with an even wobblier knife.

Panel 8. Tighter on Biff from the last panel we saw of him. We only see the very tip of bottle as it makes contact with his lips, the beer slightly dribbling out the side of his mouth.

Panel 9. Head-on shot as Biff’s hand, reaching in from the left of the panel, sets the smoking pan in front of his disgusted wife who is seated at a table set for dinner. A young teenage girl, also seated, looks on in amusement.

Panel 10. Tight frontal shot of Biff, now sitting down in front of his plate at the head of the table, his eyes crossed, raises a beer bottle in a toast. Smoke drifts over.

Panel 11. CU on Biff passed out face down into his plate while still holding on to his bottle.

SFX:
Thunk!

LeeNordling

Wednesday, April 14, 2010, 02:03 PM

*--Honestly, I was just trying to keep it matching version three--*

I understand, but that's why I qualified that they needed to be the same within the context of their mandated styles.

This would have worked fine and been consistent, within the context of the style: "Swooping motion lines tell us the green dragon has just dropped below the cloud layer."

--Lee

LeeNordling

Wednesday, April 14, 2010, 02:32 PM

Chris's grade:

PASS with a GOLD STAR.

I like the second version best, because it would be up to the artist to figure out how to use the wife and daughter in the last two panels, if at all.

Your third version only has them in one panel, and, editorially, I suspect them reacting to Biff might be the icing on the cake.

However, it's entirely possible you really do only want it to be drawn as written, with them only appearing in that one shot at the table.

I hope everybody is paying close attention here, because any of you who are thinking that the wife and daughter SHOULD be in either of the last two panels is doing what an artist will be doing: tweaking it to make it (possibly) work better.

Part of this exercise is to help you become more self-aware about the impact of your approach to a script.

Nice work, Chris.

--Lee

LeeNordling

Wednesday, April 14, 2010, 02:55 PM

Inhibitor hasn't returned.

Here was the plot method version, which clarified his intent: A monkey is sauntering through the jungle without a care in the world, when he happens upon a banana on a large rock. The monkey spots the banana, then tentatively checks it out. After a bit of back,-and-forth indecision, he grabs the banana and sits down on the rock to eat it. At this point, the rock sprouts a mouth and eats the monkey, banana and all, resetting the trap with a fresh banana.

For those who don't recall, I had an issue with his two versions of panel five, the first of which read: "The monkey walks away from the banana, looking over its shoulder, clearly wanting the banana, but unsure if he should take it."

It was supposed to be the panel where the monkey was at this stage: "After a bit of back-and-forth indecision..." Since walking away doesn't make that clear, I feel a moment of real consideration, in a wordless panel, has the best chance of communicating that to the reader. In short, NOT grabbing the banana and considering it demonstrates indecision.

This is important for each of you to note, because this is clearly a case of the writer having an intent that was not communicated in the other versions of the script.

Here's my suggested panel five revision to his post:

Full Script Without Camera Direction

PANEL 1

A monkey is walking through the jungle without a care in the world.

PANEL 2

The monkey walks up on a banana sitting on a large rock.

PANEL 3

The monkey looks hard at the banana, obviously thinking it over.

PANEL 4

The monkey starts toward the banana.

PANEL 5

The monkey, on its haunches, ponders the banana, and we can tell from his squinty eyes and "Thinker" pose that he's really considering his options.

PANEL 6

The monkey sneaks toward the banana.

PANEL 7

The monkey reaches out to take the banana.

PANEL 8

The monkey grabs the banana.

PANEL 9

The monkey seats himself on the rock, a look of excitement on his face.

PANEL 10

The monkey starts to eat the banana.

PANEL 11

The rock reveals a mouth at the top, gulping the monkey down.

PANEL 12

The rock spits something into the air.

PANEL 13

A new banana lands on top of the rock.

***

NOTE: I also deleted the word "back" from panel 6, just to smooth out the difference between the original and my edit.

--Lee

PS. For you guys who like milestones, this was the 900th post in Comics Pro Prep, which demonstrates, in our short history, your dedication to glomming from this whatever there is to glom. Thanks so much.

danialworks

Wednesday, April 14, 2010, 03:02 PM

LeeNordling

Wednesday, April 14, 2010, 03:22 PM

As I picture it, the reaction shots would continue into panel 11.

And I, for one, was impressed with Chris's readability and his comic timing.

That's where I'd show them, too, with just Biff in panel 10, sitting down.

So that others may consider the ramifications of this: Chris's #3 version may work fine, but it doesn't allow for somebody to consider showing the reaction shots of Mom and the daughter...without disregarding the scripted direction.

Yes, you can always show a script three version and let the artist know you're open to input--I do it all the time--but, in this case, it becomes a "change."

If I was the artist, I don't know if going progressively closer to Biff as he's knocking down the beers will work as intended, but it really, could, too.

Now, what we aren't doing is hybrid scripts, where sometimes there's camera direction and sometimes there isn't. This is probably the better thing for you to consider, moving forward.

As Rain noted, he's going to refrain from the use of camera angles unless he has a real vision for how they will work.

That's a GREAT rule of thumb.

Just because you CAN use camera directions, it doesn't mean you should.

Okay, back to work!

--Lee

DaveHughes

Wednesday, April 14, 2010, 05:33 PM

Thanks Lee. That was one of the ideas I had been toying with, but just hadn't had the time to come back to re-revise the script.

You're right...that definitely clarifies the intent in panel 5.

Thanks!

ChrisLewis

Thursday, April 15, 2010, 08:31 AM

LeeNordling

Thursday, April 15, 2010, 02:59 PM

Thanks for the encouraging words! I have a question though. I think writing in a version #2 style (no camera directions) turned out to be a very liberating exercise. And I'm completely sold on having the woman and daughter in the last panel if the artist could make it work out. That said, what do you think about a writer NOT mentioning what every single character in a panel is doing in a team setting for example. I sometimes have multiple characters standing around with only one or two at a time doing or saying something that actually influences the story as I see it. I wouldn't really mind having the other characters in each panel, but in some cases it doesn't matter to me. If a character speaks in panel 1 for example, but then doesn't speak or react (meaningfully) again until panel 5,6,7 or the next page, do you have to write exactly where that character is standing in relation to all the others? It feels so ridiculous to keep writing, "Monster A-Bot is still picking his nose and doing nothing on the left of Master Of Disaster." But I have had some critiques in the past from people wondering where the heck the other characters went if I didn't mention them again and again. If it isn't integral to the panel, can't we just leave the character in script limbo, and let the artist decide his/her/its fate?
Well, not mentioning what every single character is doing is often (usually) fine, as long as the artist will know, from how you wrote it, how the characters are (more or less) supposed to be thinking.

For instance, in our monkey one-pager, we were rarely told its expression, but I felt that the his goals in each panel were clear enough to there shouldn't--SHOULDN'T, not wouldn't--be confusion.

Now, to your one-pager, including Mom and the daughter is actually kind of important, because their reaction is the punch line.

They could be exchanging "not-again" glances, or be bored, or Mom could be pissed and the daughter laughing uproariously.

So, I think it's good to note expressions when it's important, and the hard part is learning what is and isn't important, as well as what works and doesn't.

Re. leaving characters in Script Limbo, for artists to determine their fate.

Can you? Yes.

Should you? No.

Why not? Because it's lazy writing.

Now, if you were working in the second style and just concentrating on story, that leaves a lot for an artist to interpret. So, what's in a panel and how it's all positioned DOES become their responsibility...within the context of the story, which will, in this style, be your ace in the hole. "Ace in the hole" because when something doesn't flow, you and the artist have your storytelling as your guide. (I hope, later, we'll get into how you can do this.)

But coming back to the question, when you're writing a full script with camera angles, everything that's IMPORTANT needs to be in the script, so if you intend for Mom and the daughter to be in the last panel, it's your job to note that, as well as, considering the importance of it, their expressions.

So, addressing the specific question: in the second stylistic version the artist just needs to know what's important, and even if a character doesn't speak after panel one, as long as the artist knows that character is "listening carefully" or "listening in disbelief" or whatever, you don't need to concern yourself further.

In the tighter version, you need to note whether they're in the scene or not, even if they don't speak and are listening, because, by not including them you're taking them out.

Any working comics professional with an IQ over 60 will tell you there are no hard and fast rules; there's only what works.

Even as we go through these Comics Pro Prep exercises, that remains true.

Here, you have the opportunity to see, in a pretty tightly controlled environment, what is and isn't working, within the context of the assignments.

Any comics creator with a strong sense of craft SHOULD be able to address these assignments...easily.

But here's the not-so-secret secret: most of them couldn't.

Most of them have learned what well works for them, and that's been good enough.

And it IS good enough...for them.

There's more to creating comics than having a strong sense of craft and learning to write with intention.

But--and this is why we're here--for those who have not yet succeeded/got where they want to be, these are things that can help you get there.

Learning to write what you intend for the right kind of artist in the right kind of market is really complicated stuff.

Many who succeed at this do through talent and dumb luck.

I can't teach talent--though we can observe it--and I wish I COULD teach dumb luck--because I'd be the first in line to learn it--but I can teach learning to do stuff on purpose.

And that's Comics Pro Prep in a nutshell: learning to do stuff on purpose.

As you've experienced, it's more complicated than it seemed to be.

--Lee

drgerb

Thursday, April 15, 2010, 03:15 PM

My first attempt. Wow. Did it take me a while to think of something to do. I settled on a scene in a past zombie project I was working on. Gotta love zombie stories for these non-dialogue assignments. Once you see a zombie and a survivor, it's like you don't even need any dialogue. Woot. Anyway.

Plot Method.

(First of all, when I say 'Zombie infested midwestern city,' I don't mean the opening shot shows numerous zombies standing about. It is a seemingly empty street this takes place in. The zombie infested bit suggests this scene takes place in a zombie story, but in a street that is not infested with zombies at this particular time.)

Mark is standing in the middle of a deserted downtown street in a post apocalyptic zombie infested midwestern city. I'm thinking almost spoof 'high noon' / a gun fight in the old west, artistically. Standing down the street from mark is the silhouette of a woman. Mark pulls out his gun, aims it directly at her and begins crying as she charges him. At the last possible second, upon realizing she's a zombie, Mark brings the gun up to his chin and pulls the trigger. There will, however, be no zombie marks on the woman, so we aren't entirely sure whether she's a zombie or not. There will be no roaming, no physical suggestions that she's a zombie. When she charges him, Mark assumes she is one. She could theoretically be his former wife who, upon seeing him alive, runs in for a hug.

(Stretched a bit farther than what I was shooting for. I think I needed that bit of clarification to get the mood across to the artist.)

Panel 1. Mark standing in the middle of a deserted downtown street in a post apocalyptic zombie infested midwestern city.

Panel 2. We now see a figure in the distance standing down the street from Mark.

Panel 3. We now understand the figure is a woman.

Panel 4. Mark has his hand on the gun in his pants.

Panel 5. Mark is now aiming the gun.

Panel 6. The woman is standing still.

Panel 7. A tear runs down Mark's face.

Panel 8. The woman is running down the street towards Mark.

Panel 9. Mark holds his gun to the underside of his chin.

Panel 10. Mark shoots himself just as the woman reaches him.

Comic trim.

Page 1. (5 panels; the top 2/3 is one big panel, and the bottom 1/3 is 4 evenly sized panels.)

Panel 1. Wide out shot of Mark standing in the middle of a deserted downtown street in a post apocalyptic zombie infested midwestern city. The camera angle is as if we are at eye level of a 5 foot woman standing a good fifty yards down the street, looking straight at Mark's silhouette. The buildings line the sides of the street and there are fires, corpses, anything to remind us we are in a post apocalyptic type setting.

Panel 2. Over the shoulder shot of Mark, who is looking at a figure on the far off horizon.

Panel 3. Closer shot of the figure, who we now notice is a woman, with her hips and long hair.

Panel 4. Close up shot of Mark's hand on the gun in his pants.

Panel 5. Close up shot of Mark as he's aiming the gun straight at us, the reader.

Page 2. (5 panels; The top 2/3 is four panels conforming to a 6 panel grid, and the bottom 1/3 is one wide panel.)

Panel 1. Over the shoulder shot of Mark, aiming his gun, at the woman who is still standing still.

Panel 2. Mark pulls his face away from the gun, as if to get another look at the woman, as a tear runs down the side of his face.

Panel 3. Medium shot of the woman running straight at us, the viewer. (To the artist: Or a shot from somewhat behind the woman, as she's running away from us and towards Mark, who is a tiny silhouette standing in the middle of the street aiming his gun at us?)

Panel 4. Close up shot of Mark's gun against the underside of his chin.

Panel 5. Mark pulls the trigger, blood and brains spew out the back of his head, as the woman drops to her knees, sliding in towards Mark.

Man, if anything, this assignment made me realize how much of an artist I am, not a writer. I can't tell if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but you gotta play to your strengths, right? The idea of midunderstanding camera angles, but feeling I have to use them anyways to convey what it is I (the writer) AND I (the artist) see sucks. I guess, if anything, if I pair up on a project with an artist I believe in, I can try skipping the camera angles at the writing stage. But working with an unproven artist, or one I don't quite know / a beginner, I feel I'd have to use camera angles. Which sucks, because truth be told, I might not understand them as good as I think I do. Gah. Anyway... Thanks again for the learning process, Lee.

drgerb

Thursday, April 15, 2010, 03:40 PM

Damnit. Fail. After rereading it (and not editing it, stupid stupid me), I realize panels 2 and 5 on page 2 of the third part are different from the same panels on the second part.

On the second part, I suggest:

Panel 7. A tear runs down Mark's face.

Panel 10. Mark shoots himself just as the woman reaches him.

And in the third attempt, I added in elements that weren't there in the second (and even first) attempt. From the third attempt:

Panel 2. Mark pulls his face away from the gun, as if to get another look at the woman, as a tear runs down the side of his face.

Panel 5. Mark pulls the trigger, blood and brains spew out the back of his head, as the woman drops to her knees, sliding in towards Mark.

If Mark is pulling his face away from the gun to get a closer look, I should had added that in the second example.

And if the woman is sliding on her knees toward Mark, I should have mentioned that in the first and second examples, also.

Did I catch those two mistakes to warrant this "fix" a pass? Hah.

After thinking for a moment, I think my biggest problem / challenge with almost every assignment I've had problems with so far, has been the writer part of me and the artist part of me not seeing eye to eye. I describe something, but not to the full effect that I hope for (had I drawn it), and instead I let the artist figure it out. Which is fine, but not when the only thing we are looking at are camera angles. I describe action in the second example, and let the artist freeze frame it (namely panel 5 of page 2, where I just say, in example 2, 'Mark shoots himself just as the woman reaches him.' Here I am leaving MORE up to the artist than *just* the camera angle. And that was the point of the assignment. I messed up, in that I left out the image I had in my mind, of her kneeling in, in mid slide, reaching Mark just as he shoots himself. I dunno.

It's a struggle for me the writer to describe panels for some other artist to draw without camera angles. And it's a bigger struggle for me the writer to describe a panel to me the artist without camera angles. Like I can't tell where the break off point is.

Blah, sorry. Tangent. I'll wait for the grade from Lee now.

LeeNordling

Thursday, April 15, 2010, 04:49 PM

So that we're not going back and forth, Roberts, I recommend that you post a new revised version that is complete.

From the school of better late than never, congrats on catching stuff before I looked at it.

I'll look at the new version you post...but haven't looked at the others yet.

Thanks.

--Lee

drgerb

Friday, April 16, 2010, 03:10 PM

Here goes my edit. I changed a couple of additional things to the two things I noticed earlier on. I can't tell if I NEEDED to change them or not. So I sided with editing them just to be safe. Anyway.

Comic trim.

Plot Method.

Mark stands in the middle of a deserted downtown street in a post apocalyptic zombie infested midwestern city. Spoof 'high noon' / a gun fight in the old west. Standing roughly fifty yards from Mark is the silhouette of a woman. Mark pulls the gun out from the front of his pants, aims it at her, and begins crying as she charges him. As Mark realizes (thinks) she's a zombie, he brings the gun up to his chin and pulls the trigger. She reaches Mark just as he kills himself. She then kneels down and holds his head up as she gazes into his eyes. We never know for sure whether she's a zombie or not. She could have been a zombie and just turned moments earlier, thus no zombie marks / appearances are on her. She could also have been Mark's former wife, who was running in for a hug when Mark jumped to conclusions. She could be the lover, gazing into his eyes in a modern day Romeo and Juliette spin off. Or she could be a zombie wishing the brains she's about to eat were living instead of pre-killed.

Panel 1. Mark standing in the middle of a deserted downtown street in a post apocalyptic zombie infested midwestern city.

Panel 2. We now see a figure in the distance standing roughly fifty yards down the street from Mark.

Panel 3. We now understand the figure is a woman.

Panel 4. Mark has his hand on the gun in his pants.

Panel 5. Mark is now aiming the gun.

Panel 6. The woman is standing still.

Panel 7. Mark pulls his face away from the gun, as if to get another look at the woman, as a tear runs down the side of his face.

Panel 8. The woman is running down the street towards Mark.

Panel 9. Mark holds his gun to the underside of his chin.

Panel 10. Mark shoots himself just as the woman reaches him.

Panel 11. The woman kneels near Mark's corpse as she holds his head up and looks into his eyes.

Page 1. (5 panels; the top 2/3 is one big panel, and the bottom 1/3 is 4 evenly sized panels.)

Panel 1. Wide out shot of Mark standing in the middle of a deserted downtown street in a post apocalyptic zombie infested midwestern city. The camera angle is as if we are at eye level of a 5 foot woman standing a good fifty yards down the street, looking straight at Mark's silhouette. The buildings line the sides of the street and there are fires, corpses, anything to remind us we are in a post apocalyptic type setting.

Panel 2. Over the shoulder shot of Mark, who is looking at a figure on the far off horizon.

Panel 3. Closer shot of the figure, who we now notice is a woman, with her hips and long hair.

Panel 4. Close up shot of Mark's hand on the gun in his pants.

Panel 5. Close up shot of Mark as he's aiming the gun straight at us, the reader.

Page 2. (6 panels; The top 1/3 is three panels, the middle 1/3 is two panels, and the bottom 1/3 is one panel.)

Panel 1. Over the shoulder shot of Mark, aiming his gun, at the woman who is still standing still.

Panel 2. Mark pulls his face away from the gun, as if to get another look at the woman, as a tear runs down the side of his face.

Panel 3. Medium shot of the woman running straight at us, the viewer. (To the artist: Or a shot from somewhat behind the woman, as she's running away from us and towards Mark, who is a tiny silhouette standing in the middle of the street aiming his gun at us?)

Panel 4. Close up shot of Mark's gun against the underside of his chin.

Panel 5. Mark pulls the trigger, blood and brains spew out the back of his head, as the woman reaches him.

Panel 6. Medium shot of the two silhouettes of the woman and Mark. The woman kneels near Mark's corpse as she holds his head up and looks into his eyes.

LeeNordling

Friday, April 16, 2010, 04:11 PM

Roberts's grade:

FAIL.

Here is one of the most valuable points for each of you: just because you write it, that doesn't mean the reader of the finished comic is going to SEE it.

Roberts has TOLD us (not SHOWN us) in version 3 that this is a zombie-infested city, but nowhere in any of these panels has he SHOWN us an image that communicates this to the reader.

If an artist were to draw version 3, we'd see a desiccated city, some fires, some corpses, and two characters. Not a zombie to be seen, because it's left in question whether the woman is a zombie of not.

If an artist were to draw version 1, there would/should be zombies, so this version works the best.

If an artist were to draw version 2, there might or might not be zombies in panel 1...but the lack of scripting clarity makes this an unacceptable toss-up.

Folks, just because you DESCRIBE an idea the comic reader is supposed to understand, if it doesn't translate to something that's drawn, then the only people who are going to understand what you intend are the readers of the script...not the comic.

FOR THE RECORD: this is the most glaring error I see in comic scripts, writers telling the editor what they want, but not the reader of the finished comic.

--Lee

RonaldMontgomery

Friday, April 16, 2010, 04:35 PM

Ronald's grade:

FAIL.

Ronald, I read your direction on the last version. Panels read "width of page", but then there's the "narrow" notation.

FYI. Narrow is width. Shorter is height.

Do you wish to revise this before I grade it? If so, please post your correction, as opposed to editing the existing one (so, for future generations, this posting here will make sense).

If you in fact did want panels to become increasingly narrow, then your "width of page" notation needs changing.

Now to the content: in the plot method version, Jerome is offering Meredith the Hot Wheels, while, in the two scripted versions, Casey is offering the Hot Wheels.

While I suspect this is a typo, and that Casey was supposed to be offering up the Hot Wheels in the plot method version, too...

...this submission is a perfect case for why anybody trying this should start simple, get it down, then stretch.

Please, folks, start simple, so you can gain whatever there is to gain from this assignment.

Thanks.

--Lee

Size: Comics Trim

Note: This is the final story of Meredith Elfry, Girl Intense.

PLOT METHOD:

PAGE 1

Daytime, spring. Meredith and Jerome have flown to her old home and they're coming in for a landing; they're surprising Meredith's baby brother Casey (a spitting image), who's playing Hot Wheels alone in the dilapidated backyard. Meredith and Jerome land near the swingset, Meredith in summer dress and tiara, flying by herself, holding the flashlight like an Olympic torch. Casey runs to her, overjoyed, handing her one of his Hot Wheels.

FULL SCRIPT WITHOUT CAMERA DIRECTION:

PAGE 1

PANEL 1
Daytime, spring. High, high the sky, wisps of clouds below, and below that the grids of suburban city streets. It's Meredith's old neighborhood below, but the reader doesn't need to know that.

PANEL 2
The backyard of Meredith's old home. It's shabby in the daylight. Buckled siding on the house, windows with broken blinds. Weeds sprout from unmowed grass. The back door is closed, but sitting in front of it is Casey, Meredith's three-year-old brother (same thin hair and face), sitting in a t-shirt and diaper playing Hot Wheels by himself.

PANEL 3
A shadow has fallen on Casey. One hand shades his eyes as squints warily into the sky.

PANEL 4
Meredith and Jerome alighting on the lawn in front of the old swingset, the satellite dish gone. Meredith is in a summer dress, head adorned in a tiara, her hair fluttering behind her, holding the flashlight above her like an Olympic torch. She wears the same ratty All-Stars. Jerome holds his Wal-Mart bags.

PANEL 5
Meredith is sitting on her haunches, a wan smile on her face. Casey has run over and he's standing in front of her, smiling ear to ear, placing a Hot Wheel in her outstretched palm.

FULL SCRIPT WITH CAMERA DIRECTION:

PAGE 1

NOTE TO ARTIST: The page is five tiers, all the width of page. Panel 4 is the focus of the page. The tiers should progressively shorten until four, which should be bigger than all others, then go back to a shorter panel for panel 5.

PANEL 1 (TOP TIER; WIDTH OF PAGE)
Wide shot. Daytime, spring. High, high the sky, wisps of clouds below, and below that the grids of suburban city streets. It's Meredith's old neighborhood below, but the reader doesn't need to know that.

PANEL 2 (SECOND TIER; WIDTH OF PAGE)
Wide shot. The backyard of Meredith's old home. It's shabby in the daylight. Buckled siding on the house, windows with broken blinds. Weeds sprout from unmowed grass. The back door is closed, but sitting in front of it is Casey, Meredith's three-year-old brother (same thin hair and face), sitting in a t-shirt and diaper playing Hot Wheels by himself.

PANEL 3 (THIRD TIER, NARROW; WIDTH OF PAGE)
Close shot. A shadow has fallen on Casey. One hand shades his eyes as squints warily into the sky.

PANEL 4 (FOURTH TIER; WIDTH OF PAGE)
Medium shot. Meredith and Jerome alighting on the lawn in front of the old swingset, the satellite dish gone. Meredith is in a summer dress, head adorned in a tiara, her hair fluttering behind her, holding the flashlight above her like an Olympic torch. She wears the same ratty All-Stars. Jerome holds his Wal-Mart bags.

PANEL 5 (FIFTH TIER; WIDTH OF PAGE)
Close shot. Meredith is sitting on her haunches, a wan smile on her face. Casey has run over and he's standing in front of her, smiling ear to ear, placing a Hot Wheel in her outstretched palm.

LeeNordling

Friday, April 16, 2010, 05:12 PM

Ronald's grade:

PASS.

One note: you've got a lot of complicated character acting and interaction going on here.

I do think you and others should write simply first, get it right, work to nail the nature of the assignment, then stretch.

It's just a piece of advice that I know will help you learn more, even if you get to play less.

Would somebody please share with me thoughts on why it's so hard for folks to do an easy version first?

I learn a lot by seeing how you each tackle the assignments, but the thing I'm learning over and over again is that nobody seems able to help themselves in this area.

I ask you to write a simple sentence, and you write the hardest sentence imaginable.

There's something here that is new to me, and unexpected...but as I consider it further, I realize it's not new at all, and that I've seen it before.

When I was at Nickelodeon Magazine, I got a freelance gig to write some Rugrats comics stories.

They were magazine size, were supposed to be six pages, and contain no more than six panels per page. In short, thirty-six panels to tell a complete story.

Personally, I didn't like any of the stories I'd seen other writers do; I wasn't the editor, so I didn't get or ask for a vote.

The problem with the stories was that they were too ambitious, tried to mimic the stories of a half-hour show, and the results were nearly unreadable, especially those by a writer who's gone on to write for "Heroes."

My approach was different.

Rather than write a long story that I'd have to cram to fit, I created simple concepts that I could expand and play with.

My own conceit was that I'd base each of the three on a Stephen King title (not story). They were called, "It," "Tommy's Game," and "The Bed Zone."

"It" is a game of hide 'n' go seek, where Chuckie can't find the others, thinks they're gone, imagines all kinds of terrible things that might have happened to them, and when he freaks out, they come out of hiding. The twist is that he didn't understand the rules. Six pages with lots of interesting character moments.

"Tommy's Game" is about Tommy talking the others into doing everything Angelica asks them to do, this in an effort to make her happy, which she never is. Angelica becomes suspicious, feels she's being made a fool of, so she tells them not to do anything she asks...and they comply...and she realizes she's blown it. Again, six simple pages.

"The Bed Zone" is about Chuckie having a sleepover with Tommy, them hearing noises in the night, and standing up against the odd night sounds and imaginary creatures that are attacking the crib. In the morning, Tommy's parents find the two happily asleep in the crib...which is surrounded by a huge wall of toys and objects.

Here's why I'm writing this to you guys:

YOU

DO

TOO

MUCH

!

And, more often than not, you shoot yourselves in the foot, just like all the writers who preceded me on the Rugrats comic magazine.

Since I've asked many times for you to start simple to learn whatever there is to learn, and few have, I realize that there's something else going on here...and perhaps it's something for us to work on.

If not, it's something for each of you to be aware of, if for no other reason than to learn to check your enthusiasm and work closer to the nature of the job at hand.

--Lee

danialworks

Friday, April 16, 2010, 11:01 PM

Mister Higgens? It's a comic book!!

Plot

Somewhere in a residential area, one that looks a lot like Philadelphia-- a pretty twenty-something blond woman walks her german shepard up the street. Then, they play frisbee in the park. At home, the young woman scratches her pet behind the ears, bathes the dog, and finally the dog rests at the end of the bed while his human sleeps.

Script WITHOUT camera

Panel 1.

An urban residential area-- one that looks a lot like Philadelphia. A pretty twenty-something blond woman is out walking her german shepard.

Panel 2.

A city park. The young woman tosses a frisbee, and the dog chases it.

Panel 3.

The usual furniture, a sofa, a coffee table, a chair and a lamp for reading. The young woman playfully scratches between her dog's ears as they sit together on a small, round carpet.

Panel 4.

The bathroom. The young woman is bathing her dog in the tub.

Panel 5.

The bedroom. It's night, and the young woman is sleeping peacefully in her comfortable bed, her german shepard at her feet.

scripted WITH camera

Panel 1.

A small circular panel set into the top right of panel 2. Our EXTERIOR has a certain Philadelphia look to it. MEDIUM-SHOT of a residential area. We're favoring a twenty-something blond woman over the dog walking right in front of her, and so slightly closer to us.

Panel 2.

Width of the page. Another EXTERIOR. A city park. A LONGER SHOT, but obviously wider. The young woman has just thrown a frisbee, and we're favoring the german shepard as it gives chase-- all angled slightly at our POV.

Panel 3.

Left side, middle tier. INTERIOR SETTING. The blond woman's living room. A reading lamp and chair on the left. Our blond woman and her dog at the middle of the panel-- sitting on a circular rug; he's a little bit in front of her while she playfully scratches between his ears. A coffee table and sofa on the right.

Panel 4.

Right side, middle tier. Our INTERIOR is now the bathroom. Our young woman is kneeling beside the bathtub, washing her dog in the tub. This should be our closest shot yet of woman and dog, and far more of a profile for both.

Panel 5.

Width of page. INTERIOR, the young woman's bedroom-- no details other than a bed covered in comforters. CLOSE on the dog, awake with head on paws at the end of the bed and on top of the comforters-- the young woman sleeps peacefully on the other side of him, and under the covers. NOTE: Her face shoud be placed on her pillow so that a reader can easily drop their POV from her face to her dog's face, left to right.

LeeNordling

Saturday, April 17, 2010, 03:51 AM

Danial's grade:

FAIL, because what you intend, reading-wise, won't be perceived as you wish it to be.

In the third version, Panel one is a circular panel to the right, protruding from panel two.

This means the reader will see panel two first, meaning they will perceive a different order in the story sequence than in the first two versions.

Until that point, this was perfectly simple and working beautifully.

Had panel one been on the left, this would've been a home run.

Pretending that it IS on the left, I like the second version best. An artist can do wonderful things with that series of images...but the third version layout doesn't seem to do anything but limit the vision to the author's.

It's not a BAD vision--it works--but I think it's important for folks to note that the camera shots don't add any new and wonderful aspect to the comic.

Hey, Danial, if the panel placement of panel one was SUPPOSED to be on the left, then you, like Ronald, have just learned the power of the typo.

Keep it up, guys.

Thanks.

--Lee

danialworks

Saturday, April 17, 2010, 04:26 AM

Danial's grade:

FAIL, because what you intend, reading-wise, won't be perceived as you wish it to be.

In the third version, panel one is a circular panel to the right, protruding from panel two.

This means the reader will see panel two first, meaning they will perceive a different order in the story sequence than in the first two versions.

Until that point, this was perfectly simple and working beautifully.

Had panel one been on the left, this would've been a home run.

Pretending that it IS on the left, I like the second version best. An artist can do wonderful things with that series of images...but the third version layout doesn't seem to do anything but limit the vision to the author's.

It's not a BAD vision--it works--but I think it's important for folks to note that the camera shots don't add any new and wonderful aspect to the comic.

Hey, Danial, if the panel placement of panel one was SUPPOSED to be on the left, then you, like Ronald, have just learned the power of the typo.

Keep it up, guys.

Thanks.

--Lee

Errrr....

The circular panel is supposed to be on the left.

This may be a typo worth framing.

So here's what happened.

I decided to go simple.

A pretty girl and her dog.

Nothing else.

So ALL of the camera angles felt forced and unneccesary. If I were building to something, panel placement and angles MIGHT find their place in the script, but only in a hybrid fashion. Writing for me. Famous artists who want to pay big money can request whatever script style they want.

The camera work and panel placement STOPS a simple sequence from being a simple vision... at least in this case.

I cared about versions 1 & 2.

I cared about the WORK of version 3, but had trouble caring about working out angles and placements that interfered with the simplicity of the images... a pretty woman and her dog.

I did the work anyway. But missed that I swung with da right when I shoulda swung with da left in panel 1.

OK. Circular panel on the left. Where it's supposed to be.

Other than that face in hands moment, I wrote a good sequence in version three. I can do the work. Go me.

But version three didn't add anything wonderful for me, either.

RonaldMontgomery

Saturday, April 17, 2010, 04:52 AM

Hey, Danial, if the panel placement of panel one was SUPPOSED to be on the left, then you, like Ronald, have just learned the power of the typo.

:mad:

LeeNordling

Saturday, April 17, 2010, 02:31 PM

:mad:

It was just an observation, Ronald, one you pointed out yourself.

So, technically, I was agreeing with you.

--Lee

RonaldMontgomery

Saturday, April 17, 2010, 03:22 PM

It was just an observation, Ronald, one you pointed out yourself.

So, technically, I was agreeing with you.

--Lee

Oops. I meant to type ;)

LeeNordling

Saturday, April 17, 2010, 03:32 PM

Oops. I meant to type ;)

So it was a smiley face (mad, actually) icon typo?

Okay, back to business, folks.

Any other contributors want to see if you can write the same page three different ways?

I'll come back to a question that got passed by, "Why is this so hard for you?"

I've shared my theory, but I am interested in your own opinions.

Thanks.

--Lee

DaveHughes

Saturday, April 17, 2010, 05:02 PM

I'll come back to a question that got passed by, "Why is this so hard for you?"

I've shared my theory, but I am interested in your own opinions.

Thanks.

--Lee

Here's my thought, based on myself only.

It's hard sometimes to remember that, no matter how much you get out of a comic page when you read it, the script was most likely not nearly as complicated as you would think it was.

Every comic writer started out as a comic reader, and let's face it...when you're reading a comic, you tend to "fill in the blanks"...you infer things that aren't actually there, making the action "flow". And then, when you decide to take the plunge and write...you try to write like you read.

The first time I ever wrote a script, I actually banged my head on the table when I read it. I had directions such as "He has his hand stuck 3/4 into his pocket, then removes it to place it on his hip.' Why? Because that's how I had pictured it. It didn't have ANYTHING to do with the story, but I was trying to fill in every single detail.

It took finding some actual scripts online, reading them and comparing them to the finished product to figure out that writing for comics is like doing yard work.

No, seriously. You don't cut every individual blade of grass...you use broad strokes with a lawn mower. Of course, at times a broad stroke won't do what you need done...that's when you bring out the weed eater to trim around the trees and edge the walk. And every once in a while, you have to get down to a very personal level and pull a few weeds by hand.

Doing each and every blade of grass on your lawn individually will work, but it won't be any fun, it will take forever, and you'll still wind up missing some.

I learned to paint a broad picture (mower), then specifiy the details that are important (edging), and finally work out dialogue and specific actions and moments that are integral to the plot (pull the weeds).

Am I right? No freakin' clue. But that's how I've come to look at it.

Thoughts?

harryd

Saturday, April 17, 2010, 11:38 PM

Well, another weekend, and another attempt at a creative writing exercise. As to which style I prefer, I think I typically write Full Script with occasional Camera Directions. I think it would be interesting to try a Plot Method sometime, but so far the couple of artists I have worked with, who have expressed any sort of preference on script format, have said that they prefer a more detailed style. Anyhow, here is this weeks attempt:

Typical Unrealistic Gunfight

Plot Method:

Sam and Max, staring daggers at one another, sit on opposite sides of a table in an otherwise empty restaurant. They both pull out a pair of handguns, and proceed to blaze away at one another. Despite blowing away most of the scenery, neither manages to hit the other before the run out of ammo.

Full Script Sans Camera Directions:

PANEL 1. Sam and Max, staring daggers at one another, sit on opposite sides of a table in an otherwise empty restaurant.

PANEL 2. Both men have leapt up, knocking the table over onto its side. Sam is pulling revolvers out from inside his vest, while Max is drawing his guns from his belt.

PANEL 3. The wall is riddled with bullet holes as Max, firing away with his guns, runs to the right.

SFX:
Blam! Blam! Blam!

PANEL 4. Sam, firing away with his guns, is running to the left. The wall to his right is riddled with bullet holes.

SFX:
Blam! Blam! Blam!

PANEL 5. Sam and Max stand on opposite ends of the restaurant. The walls are riddled with bullet holes and the tables have been shot up. Sam has dropped his his right arm to his side and has his left arm raised to aim at Max, who has dropped his left arm to his side and has his right arm raised to aim back at Sam. Both guns click uselessly, as they have run out of bullets.

SFX (small, Sam's empty gun):
Click. Click.

SFX (small, Max's empty gun:
Click. Click.

Script with Camera Directions:

PANEL 1 (TOP TIER - WIDTH OF PAGE). A long shot of Sam and Max, who stare daggers at one another as they sit on opposite sides of a table in an otherwise empty restaurant.

PANEL 2 (2ND TIER - WIDTH OF PAGE). A tighter long shot, zooming in towards them, in which both of men have leapt up, knocking the table over onto its side. Sam is pulling revolvers out from inside his vest, while Max is drawing his guns from his belt.

PANEL 3 (3RD TIER - 1/2 THE WIDTH OF THE PAGE). A medium shot of Max running to the right and firing his guns toward the camera. Bullet holes riddle the wall behind him.

SFX:
Blam! Blam! Blam!

PANEL 4 (3RD TIER - 1/2 THE WIDTH OF THE PAGE). A medium shot of Sam running to the left and firing his guns toward the camera. Bullet holes riddle the wall behind him.

SFX:
Blam! Blam! Blam!

PANEL 5 (4TH TIER - THE WIDTH OF THE PAGE). A long shot of the restaurant, where the walls are now riddled with bullet holes and the tables have been shot up. Sam and Max stand on opposite ends of the room. Sam has dropped his his right arm to his side and has his left arm raised to aim at Max, who has dropped his left arm to his side and has his right arm raised to aim back at Sam. Both guns click uselessly, as they have run out of bullets.

SFX (small, Sam's empty gun):
Click. Click.

SFX (small, Max's empty gun):
Click. Click.

LeeNordling

Sunday, April 18, 2010, 04:14 AM

Harry's grade:

PASS with a GOLD STAR.

Nice work.

BTW, for others, Harry's plot method was especially nice, not too detailed, but the intent was perfectly clear. For those of you who wrote a LOT to try to capture the page in a paragraph, take a good look at the economy of this paragraph. It shows how less is more, and you don't have to write everything to capture what's important.

--Lee