Elegy
Tuesday, July 20, 2010, 08:53 AM
I took a look at the problems that we going on with these pages and did some massive revisions, first being the name, which was Secret Six but is now the Creature Chronicles: V.1 Birth of the Deviants, so please everyone take and look and tell me what you think.
I write a lot of prose and this was my first time writing a script, but I've always been extremely interested and really want to make this way of story telling become apart of my background in writing. So it might not come easy to me, but I'll keep trying until I get it right.
Page 1
Panel 1:
We are in your typical basement turned family room, with wood panel walls and black carpeted floors. In this room you can see a couch pushed to the far left of the room turned so that the sets face the wall giving you the impression that this wasn’t its normal position. Opposite to that we see a large flat screen TV sitting on top of a wooden shelf. The fluorescent lights, that we can see hanging from the ceiling, are completely out allowing the soft white moon light to stream in from the small window above and to the right of the TV. The only other sources of light in the room are the hundreds of tall wax candles that litter the room outlining the landscape. In this large room with can see vague impressions of 5 teenagers sitting in sitting at the points of a pentagram, made out of rock salt. At these points a circle is formed at the teenager before it continues on to the lines next position, creating large circles which a point would normally be in a pentagram. Sitting at the middle of the star we can see another teenager.
Narration:
Okay, let's go through this one last time
Panel 2:
The next shot we get is an angled upward angled shot from the ground of the teenager sitting in the center of the pentagram, we know this because the two vague figures sitting behind him, as well as the slight vision of the wood stairs leading up to a door. This boy's name is Stephen. He's 16, and Native American. Physically he's really skinny, mostly skin and bones and has short swooped jet black hair. His skin is a Rich Chocolate Almond and his eyes are onyx black. He is wearing black jeans, with black and white skater shoes and a Monster energy drink tie shirt. Sitting in front of Stephen we a can see a large lit candle, casting a small yellow light across his face, as well as a ceremonial dagger. The dagger appears to be band new, with Celtic knots circling around the hilt in the form of a crescent moons.
Caption:
Real Name: Stephen Sullivan
Age: 16
Stephen:
So we've got the bowl of water?
Panel 3:
The next shot is the back of a young woman’s head. This young woman, along with everyone else is sitting with her legs crossed in front of. At this moment in time, of her physical features, all we can see is her long stringy damaged bleach blonde hair that clearly wasn't being taken care of. We can also see the back of a white collar shirt that she is wearing, as well as the hint of a loose fitting red tie around her neck and a black skirt that she is wearing. In the background of his image we can see Stephen, who also has his legs crossed. In this scene we can also see much of the pentagon that is formed out of rock salt around Stephen.
Kasscondra (the girl) in a tiny petite yet polite voice:
"Yes"
Stephen:
It's got to be fresh. That bottled crap won't work
Panel 4:
In this final shot of page one, we get a full bodied view of the young woman. In this straight on shot, we can see her holding a stone bowl of water presenting it with both hands. This young woman’s name is Kasscondra. She is of Latin decent and is 15 years old. She is extremely skinny and boney as if she hadn't eaten since the last millennia. Her hair is pulled back in a ponytail high above her head. She has onyx black eyes and extremely pasty white skin. Currently she is wearing tight fitting black skinny jeans, spotted black and white cans, a white collared shirt with the first two buttons left purposely open with the long sleeves rolled up to her forearm with a red tie loosely slung around her neck. Behind her we can see the turned around couch, the back of which is lined with candles balanced on its edge.
Caption:
Real Name: Kasscondra Nova
Age: 15
Kasscondra:
It's fresh. I drove to No-Man's Land to get it myself.
Page 2:
Panel 1
The first shot of page 2 is an extremely close up of Stephen’s face as his head is turned all the way to the right of his body, his eyes are a bit squinted and his face if turn tilted a bit to the left. Clearly he’s questioning in his mind what Kasscondra had just said.
Stephen:
Good......but you know could've gone to the river that runs right through the center of town. No need to risk life and limb.
Kasscondra:
I know, but I wanted to make sure the mineral content was as pure as possible.
Voice from in front of Stephen to his left:
Always the over achieve!
Panel 2
From Stephen’s POV, to which we see a small portion of his ear are long hair in the far right side of the panel, we see another young woman. His woman’s name is Natasha. She has almond brown skin with a lot of hyper-pigmentation from the sites of pimples. Her hair is short cut and sitting bobbed brown style and she is on the heavier side. Her eyes are a dark brown, and she is wearing a long black and white vertical striped dress that reaches over her knees and to her feet. Coupled with her dress she is wear a pair of black and white flip-flops on. Around her neck hangs a long chain link necklace with a heart pendant at the end and on each of her wrists are at least 5 bangles as well as large diamond earrings in each of her ears.
Caption:
Real Name: Natasha Stand
Age: 17
Kasscondra:
It is the purest water in the area……. You know coming from the well and all.
Panel 3:
The next shot is a close up of Natasha’s face as she rolls her eyes, with her arms folded, and a bored look on her face.
Natasha:
Why do I hang out with nerds?
Voice from off the panel to the direct right of her:
Cause deep down you know you love us, Nat
Another voice coming from in front of her:
Plus, we're the only people that'll put up with your shit
Panel 4:
Natasha’s eyes are closed, with her arms still folded, but she has a slight smirk on her face, that isn’t hiding very well.
SFX:
HUH!
Panel 5
This is a bust shot of Natasha hand in a half wave, as her eyes are now open and she has a big smile across her face.
Natasha:
Right, continuing geeking on then.
Page 3:
Panel 1:
This first panel is a close up shot of Stephen’s face, he clearly looks very serious and maybe a bit upset.
Stephen:
Come on we need to be read before midnight
Natasha, coming from his direct right:
Right, let's get this shit done. I've got an English test tomorrow and I haven't studied one bit
Voice from off panel to the opposite direct left:
Oh yeah, Mr. Kvetching's test is tomorrow I totally forgot"
Panel 2:
The next shot we get is of a young man, Trevor, whose head is turned to his left, in the left side of the panel with can see a bit of Natasha sitting to his left. His skin is an extremely fair brown, while his hair is a short thin brown with black low-lights that are styled straight with a defined swooped front cut covering his right eye. Physically he is muscular with a left eye brow piercing. He is wearing black jeans with fashionable fades around the pockets, a white short-sleeved shirt that read "Love machine", a star studded belt that allowed for sagging in the back revealing his Stewie, from family guy, boxers, a pair of white-Air high top tennis shoes, and finally a pair of his favorite fingerless gloves that has a pictures of a skull on the back of each hand.
Trevor:
Can you help me study I gotta get a good grade or-
Stephen:
PEOPLE!
Panel 3:
This next shot is of the back of Stephen’s head as he is looking down at the digital clock on his wrist that reads 11:30. In the background we can see the dagger candle as well as the black carpeted floor.
Stephen:
TIME!!
Panel 4:
The next shot we get is of Trevor’s face, as sticks his lip out and his cheeks slightly fall. This would be him trying to give his greatest puppy dog eyes.
Trevor:
Sorry, babe!
Natasha (whisper) from Trevor's left:
Later!
Trevor (whispers):
Right!
Panel 5:
This is a long horizontal panel of Stephen turning his head to the left to look at Natasha in the background you can see Trevor sitting a distance between them but a bit farther back.
Stephen:
Let’s get a move on people, times running out. Natasha, did you get the-"
Natasha:
The untainted soil, yeah it wasn't that hard to find. I got it from-
Stephen:
Please, tell me you just didn't get if from the side of your house
Page 4:
Panel 1:
This first panel will be of Natasha shrugging her shoulders, her head in a sideways tilt.
Natasha:
Is that gonna be a problem?
Stephen:
NATASHA!!!!
Panel 2:
Both of Natasha’s hands are held up palms outward in defense.
Natasha:
Oh, don't get your gay boxers in a bunch. Like you told me, oh I don't know, five thousand times, the soil had to be purified. I dug it up 3 days ago in front of the church.
SFX(coming from off panel in front of her to the left):
HAHAHAHA!
Panel 3:
This next panel is a full body shot of another young man, Daman, as he's laughing. Daman was a chunky, heavy set guy with short curly amber hair. He is skin is a pale Irish red with shape-sky blue eyes. He is wearing a pair of black-white skater shoes decorated with white Celtic knots around the edges, dark black skinny jeans that slightly sagged in the back. He finishes of his outfit with a plain black shirt, a pyramid-studded belt and the lanyard of his keys hanging out of his right-back pocket.
Caption:
Real Name: Daman Grey
Age: 17
SFX:
HAHAHA!
Daman:
So, you were the one that dug the pot hole that Pastor John slipped and got his ass tuck in
Panel 4:
In a close up, we see a big smile across Natasha's face.
Natasha:
Yeah it was me
Daman:
You know, -
Page 5
Panel 1:
We get a flash back type scene of a pastor slipping into a whole made in the dirt in front of a small white church with woods around the back and cars parked in graveled dirt, while a crowd of people is standing in the background behind him. All of the people in this crowd are black out save for Daman whose bent over in laughter near the outer right rim of the crowd.
SFX(rising up above the crowd):
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Caption(Daman):
-you should have seen him. He was all red and pissed off. It's the funniest shit I've ever seen.
Panel 2:
In panel 2, we see the pastor, who is still face down in the dirt and mud, as firemen shove the dirt out from around his stuck foot. In the background, we can see that the crowd has thinned, behind yellow police tape that say “DO NOT CROSS” in big black dark letters, but Daman is still there, in his same position, looking onward, lifting himself up on the tips of his toes so he can see over the fireman blocking his view
Caption(Daman):
I was there when the fire department had to dig a hole around his big foot ass to get him unstuck.
Panel 3:
In the same close up shot of Panel 2, Page 4, we see the small grin on Natasha face completely replaced with an eyes closing smile.
Stephen:
TIME!!!
Natasha:
Sorry
Panel 4:
In the same frame, we see Natasha trying but failing to suppress the smile.
Stephen:
Thank you! Now Minerva did you have any trouble getting your stuff.
I write a lot of prose and this was my first time writing a script, but I've always been extremely interested and really want to make this way of story telling become apart of my background in writing. So it might not come easy to me, but I'll keep trying until I get it right.
Page 1
Panel 1:
We are in your typical basement turned family room, with wood panel walls and black carpeted floors. In this room you can see a couch pushed to the far left of the room turned so that the sets face the wall giving you the impression that this wasn’t its normal position. Opposite to that we see a large flat screen TV sitting on top of a wooden shelf. The fluorescent lights, that we can see hanging from the ceiling, are completely out allowing the soft white moon light to stream in from the small window above and to the right of the TV. The only other sources of light in the room are the hundreds of tall wax candles that litter the room outlining the landscape. In this large room with can see vague impressions of 5 teenagers sitting in sitting at the points of a pentagram, made out of rock salt. At these points a circle is formed at the teenager before it continues on to the lines next position, creating large circles which a point would normally be in a pentagram. Sitting at the middle of the star we can see another teenager.
Narration:
Okay, let's go through this one last time
Panel 2:
The next shot we get is an angled upward angled shot from the ground of the teenager sitting in the center of the pentagram, we know this because the two vague figures sitting behind him, as well as the slight vision of the wood stairs leading up to a door. This boy's name is Stephen. He's 16, and Native American. Physically he's really skinny, mostly skin and bones and has short swooped jet black hair. His skin is a Rich Chocolate Almond and his eyes are onyx black. He is wearing black jeans, with black and white skater shoes and a Monster energy drink tie shirt. Sitting in front of Stephen we a can see a large lit candle, casting a small yellow light across his face, as well as a ceremonial dagger. The dagger appears to be band new, with Celtic knots circling around the hilt in the form of a crescent moons.
Caption:
Real Name: Stephen Sullivan
Age: 16
Stephen:
So we've got the bowl of water?
Panel 3:
The next shot is the back of a young woman’s head. This young woman, along with everyone else is sitting with her legs crossed in front of. At this moment in time, of her physical features, all we can see is her long stringy damaged bleach blonde hair that clearly wasn't being taken care of. We can also see the back of a white collar shirt that she is wearing, as well as the hint of a loose fitting red tie around her neck and a black skirt that she is wearing. In the background of his image we can see Stephen, who also has his legs crossed. In this scene we can also see much of the pentagon that is formed out of rock salt around Stephen.
Kasscondra (the girl) in a tiny petite yet polite voice:
"Yes"
Stephen:
It's got to be fresh. That bottled crap won't work
Panel 4:
In this final shot of page one, we get a full bodied view of the young woman. In this straight on shot, we can see her holding a stone bowl of water presenting it with both hands. This young woman’s name is Kasscondra. She is of Latin decent and is 15 years old. She is extremely skinny and boney as if she hadn't eaten since the last millennia. Her hair is pulled back in a ponytail high above her head. She has onyx black eyes and extremely pasty white skin. Currently she is wearing tight fitting black skinny jeans, spotted black and white cans, a white collared shirt with the first two buttons left purposely open with the long sleeves rolled up to her forearm with a red tie loosely slung around her neck. Behind her we can see the turned around couch, the back of which is lined with candles balanced on its edge.
Caption:
Real Name: Kasscondra Nova
Age: 15
Kasscondra:
It's fresh. I drove to No-Man's Land to get it myself.
Page 2:
Panel 1
The first shot of page 2 is an extremely close up of Stephen’s face as his head is turned all the way to the right of his body, his eyes are a bit squinted and his face if turn tilted a bit to the left. Clearly he’s questioning in his mind what Kasscondra had just said.
Stephen:
Good......but you know could've gone to the river that runs right through the center of town. No need to risk life and limb.
Kasscondra:
I know, but I wanted to make sure the mineral content was as pure as possible.
Voice from in front of Stephen to his left:
Always the over achieve!
Panel 2
From Stephen’s POV, to which we see a small portion of his ear are long hair in the far right side of the panel, we see another young woman. His woman’s name is Natasha. She has almond brown skin with a lot of hyper-pigmentation from the sites of pimples. Her hair is short cut and sitting bobbed brown style and she is on the heavier side. Her eyes are a dark brown, and she is wearing a long black and white vertical striped dress that reaches over her knees and to her feet. Coupled with her dress she is wear a pair of black and white flip-flops on. Around her neck hangs a long chain link necklace with a heart pendant at the end and on each of her wrists are at least 5 bangles as well as large diamond earrings in each of her ears.
Caption:
Real Name: Natasha Stand
Age: 17
Kasscondra:
It is the purest water in the area……. You know coming from the well and all.
Panel 3:
The next shot is a close up of Natasha’s face as she rolls her eyes, with her arms folded, and a bored look on her face.
Natasha:
Why do I hang out with nerds?
Voice from off the panel to the direct right of her:
Cause deep down you know you love us, Nat
Another voice coming from in front of her:
Plus, we're the only people that'll put up with your shit
Panel 4:
Natasha’s eyes are closed, with her arms still folded, but she has a slight smirk on her face, that isn’t hiding very well.
SFX:
HUH!
Panel 5
This is a bust shot of Natasha hand in a half wave, as her eyes are now open and she has a big smile across her face.
Natasha:
Right, continuing geeking on then.
Page 3:
Panel 1:
This first panel is a close up shot of Stephen’s face, he clearly looks very serious and maybe a bit upset.
Stephen:
Come on we need to be read before midnight
Natasha, coming from his direct right:
Right, let's get this shit done. I've got an English test tomorrow and I haven't studied one bit
Voice from off panel to the opposite direct left:
Oh yeah, Mr. Kvetching's test is tomorrow I totally forgot"
Panel 2:
The next shot we get is of a young man, Trevor, whose head is turned to his left, in the left side of the panel with can see a bit of Natasha sitting to his left. His skin is an extremely fair brown, while his hair is a short thin brown with black low-lights that are styled straight with a defined swooped front cut covering his right eye. Physically he is muscular with a left eye brow piercing. He is wearing black jeans with fashionable fades around the pockets, a white short-sleeved shirt that read "Love machine", a star studded belt that allowed for sagging in the back revealing his Stewie, from family guy, boxers, a pair of white-Air high top tennis shoes, and finally a pair of his favorite fingerless gloves that has a pictures of a skull on the back of each hand.
Trevor:
Can you help me study I gotta get a good grade or-
Stephen:
PEOPLE!
Panel 3:
This next shot is of the back of Stephen’s head as he is looking down at the digital clock on his wrist that reads 11:30. In the background we can see the dagger candle as well as the black carpeted floor.
Stephen:
TIME!!
Panel 4:
The next shot we get is of Trevor’s face, as sticks his lip out and his cheeks slightly fall. This would be him trying to give his greatest puppy dog eyes.
Trevor:
Sorry, babe!
Natasha (whisper) from Trevor's left:
Later!
Trevor (whispers):
Right!
Panel 5:
This is a long horizontal panel of Stephen turning his head to the left to look at Natasha in the background you can see Trevor sitting a distance between them but a bit farther back.
Stephen:
Let’s get a move on people, times running out. Natasha, did you get the-"
Natasha:
The untainted soil, yeah it wasn't that hard to find. I got it from-
Stephen:
Please, tell me you just didn't get if from the side of your house
Page 4:
Panel 1:
This first panel will be of Natasha shrugging her shoulders, her head in a sideways tilt.
Natasha:
Is that gonna be a problem?
Stephen:
NATASHA!!!!
Panel 2:
Both of Natasha’s hands are held up palms outward in defense.
Natasha:
Oh, don't get your gay boxers in a bunch. Like you told me, oh I don't know, five thousand times, the soil had to be purified. I dug it up 3 days ago in front of the church.
SFX(coming from off panel in front of her to the left):
HAHAHAHA!
Panel 3:
This next panel is a full body shot of another young man, Daman, as he's laughing. Daman was a chunky, heavy set guy with short curly amber hair. He is skin is a pale Irish red with shape-sky blue eyes. He is wearing a pair of black-white skater shoes decorated with white Celtic knots around the edges, dark black skinny jeans that slightly sagged in the back. He finishes of his outfit with a plain black shirt, a pyramid-studded belt and the lanyard of his keys hanging out of his right-back pocket.
Caption:
Real Name: Daman Grey
Age: 17
SFX:
HAHAHA!
Daman:
So, you were the one that dug the pot hole that Pastor John slipped and got his ass tuck in
Panel 4:
In a close up, we see a big smile across Natasha's face.
Natasha:
Yeah it was me
Daman:
You know, -
Page 5
Panel 1:
We get a flash back type scene of a pastor slipping into a whole made in the dirt in front of a small white church with woods around the back and cars parked in graveled dirt, while a crowd of people is standing in the background behind him. All of the people in this crowd are black out save for Daman whose bent over in laughter near the outer right rim of the crowd.
SFX(rising up above the crowd):
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Caption(Daman):
-you should have seen him. He was all red and pissed off. It's the funniest shit I've ever seen.
Panel 2:
In panel 2, we see the pastor, who is still face down in the dirt and mud, as firemen shove the dirt out from around his stuck foot. In the background, we can see that the crowd has thinned, behind yellow police tape that say “DO NOT CROSS” in big black dark letters, but Daman is still there, in his same position, looking onward, lifting himself up on the tips of his toes so he can see over the fireman blocking his view
Caption(Daman):
I was there when the fire department had to dig a hole around his big foot ass to get him unstuck.
Panel 3:
In the same close up shot of Panel 2, Page 4, we see the small grin on Natasha face completely replaced with an eyes closing smile.
Stephen:
TIME!!!
Natasha:
Sorry
Panel 4:
In the same frame, we see Natasha trying but failing to suppress the smile.
Stephen:
Thank you! Now Minerva did you have any trouble getting your stuff.